Merlin's Daughter
by LavenderGale
Summary: It is twenty years later in Camelot, ten since Ardyrred where Arthur was killed by Mordred, the child he saved when he was younger. Merlin is in dispair and about to give up when he meets a young woman named Ninianne and he realises she is his daughter
1. Ninianne

MERLIN'S DAUGHTER

By Lavender Gale

( Hello all, this is something I just started writing after seeing Merlin one evening. It is also a title of a poem I wrote about myself , not really related. Incidentally The name Ninianne, comes from the Mists of Avalon, a book by Marionne Zimmer Bradley and Taliesin was a bard mentioned in the old stories of Camelot. Also those of you that have read my twilight story…I will go back to it, life just got away from me. Thanks!)

The forest was the perfect place to hide from life. Under the green canopy of leaves and pine needles all time was forgotten. There was only light and dark, sunlight and shadow. This was the world Merlin preferred. It soothed his nerves to live life on such simple terms. Away from the grays and shades of humanity, to be able to think simply and live without the pain of life. This had been all Merlin had wanted for so long…but now, it left him empty.

Even now lying upon his back on the pine needle strewn ground among the towering pines that had sheltered him all these long months. Even then, with his eyes shut against the brightness of the sun he could see things.

They were not real, but they once had been. For the past cannot be kept out or escaped, run and hide though you might it will always find you. It was because of these visions that Merlin never knew peace, not asleep nor awake. Not in the green wood or the open meadow or the bustling streets of the cities. His mind and heart knew no rest and it was slowly turning his mind mad.

He had known peace once, long ago when he was very young. Not a boy, but not yet a man struggling to understand himself as well as life and neither were normal for him.

Merlin, was not the name he had been born with. The name was given to him as a child by his mother as a jest because of his habit of darting around and avoiding trouble at the last minute. Merlin, which means " Little, swift falcon". His other name he had never known, he had always been Merlin for as long as he could remember. As a child he never could have imagined that his name would be sung through history.

Yes, he had been happy then . Before Arthur, before Camelot, before Mordred and his mother Morgause and the whole rigamorole that went along with them. Living a quiet, simple life in his small village with his beloved mother..god rest her. It seemed like some distant dream now, one he could never dream again.

Happiness and contentment are two very different things. He may have been happy before Camelot, but he was never content. No that came with Arthur. Arthur had always been his other half, not a brother and not always a friend but a part of him. Arthur was his destiny.

Merlin's eyes flickered behind his lids as shadows darkened. The sunlight of his youth suddenly smothered with the grey clouds of battle. The cries of dying men replace the laughter of youth and Merlin sees again the battle field of Ardyrred. Ardyrred, devil take it. The Devil's land, field of blood and death and failure. Failure. His, Arthur's, the knights' and perhaps even fate it's self.

"What good is magic?" he thinks to himself, " If you cannot depend upon it when you need it most?"

Sealing his eyes closed against the images that refuse to fade, Merlin tosses his head from side to side. But in spite of his best efforts the images over take him and he falls reluctantly into sleep and the dreams of the past. "Twenty years…" he thinks before he surrenders, " Has it really only been twenty? It's hard to count when one year feels like an eternity, well, let the memories come. It's a lovely day…as good a day as any to suffer."

Camelot: Twenty years earlier.

"Arthur, I won't let you do this!"

"Merlin, let go of the horse, you know that never works."

A lot changes in ten years. People age, kingdoms change, Kings and Mentors die and pass on their power. In doing this they leave our futures to..god help us all…their heirs. So it went with Camelot, with King Uther's passing, Arthur became king and with his mentor Gaius's passing Merlin became a true wizard. That is he had no choice, no one was left to protect him.

BUT, some things never change. As the following scene unfolding was illustrating so vividly.

Arthur sat aboard his black war horse, dressed in his armor with the crest of Pendragon visible everywhere possible , his sword at his side. He struck a handsome and heroic figure untouchable, unstoppable. Well almost.

" Merlin, I am ordering you…let go of my horse!"

" Take off your helmet stone ears, did you not hear me? I'm not letting you do this!"

" Not letting me…Merlin, I am THE KING! We're not boys anymore, I've no time for these games."

Merlin let go of the horses bridal, "Forgive me, my KING." He said raising his hands in frustration, " But Arthur, answer me this…name one time, just one time, listening to me ever led you astray? Ever since our youth haven't I always had your best interest in mind?"

Arthur was silent for a moment. " Speak…but make it quick."

Merlin sighed, leaning on his wizard's staff. " That's all I wanted…thank you for not running me down this time."

"I never did that….at least not very often. Talk! I've no time to lose."

Merlin ran a hand through his hair and fixed his blue eyes on Arthur. " I'll get to the point then. Arthur, if you go to meet Mordred today you'll die."

Arthur was paying attention now, he motioned for his knights to go on ahead. Once they were alone he spoke slowly and carefully.

"Merlin…there was a time I would disregard a warning like that. But things have changed, I've seen them change..because of you. There's something about you…I always said that and whatever it is it seems to concern me. In short you have a knack for saving my arse…so…what makes you think Mordred would be planning my death?"

Where to begin? Sometimes the density of Arthur's skull absolutely baffled Merlin's mind. Was he not there when the child he saved years ago as a good deed, showed up in his throne room grown to man hood and announced that Arthur was his father? He had been there all right and he had accepted the boy based only on his word. It was true, Arthur had a fondness for the ladies but how could he not recognise this boy? There was only one child with eyes that particular shade of ice blue he was certain, then there was the smile. When he came into the throne room Mordred had looked right at Merlin and gave a little nod and a smirk of a smile as though letting him in on some little joke. Oh Arthur was dense all right. But he was equally stubborn and Merlin knew he wouldn't admit when he was wrong.

"I…I have seen it." He said importantly. Sometimes he thanked the gods that Arthur had found out Morganna was a seer, it softened his opinion of certain types of magic. In fact he'd come to believe Merlin was a seer, which he wasn't. At least not in the way Morganna was, what he saw he took from the world around him. Arthur dismounted and went close to Merlin.

"You know I take your visions very seriously…there was that business with the tower. You saved us a lot of trouble by seeing there was a river underneath."

"Oh yes and that went brilliantly when people realized I was a seer. You weren't actually going to LET them burn me were you?"

" I apologized for that! A king has to be diplomatic he can't do as his feelings dictate. Besides…you know I'd never let any harm come to you."

Merlin smiled grimly as Arthur looked away sheepishly, "I wouldn't allow any harm to come to you either..that's been my job for years now. Which is why I am begging you Arthur…send this Mordred away, chase him out if you must. But send others, not yourself."

"Merlin, he's my son. I owe him my trust."

"You owe him nothing!" Merlin looked at him desperately, " You wouldn't believe me when I said he was not your son…but Arthur, who is this Morgause? Do you even know her?"

" I must have. There were a lot of women Merlin, I'm not proud of that."

" Blast it Arthur! Don't you know the boy?" Merlin couldn't stand it anymore he had to tell him.

Arthur pursed his lips, " Of course I know him! He told me who he was the first night he came here! I could never forget that child…and yes Merlin, he still could be mine. Many women send their children off to foster…."

"You're dillusional! You're seeing what you want to see! We were barely men then, and don't think I don't know you'd barely kissed a girl then!"

Arthur looked behind him, " Merlin, you idiot…you are embarrassing me. I know my own son thank you." He took the reighns from Merlin's hand and mounted, " When last I looked it was King Arthur that ruled Camelot and not King Merlin."

" Arthur…please!"

"No, Merlin…this time I'm not listening and this time I'm right. Now let me pass, if you don't I'll run this horse right over you."

"No you won't." said Merlin moving aside. Arthur glared at him and put his visor down. "I don't need your help with this one, my friend. This is my mistake and I have to make it right."

No. Thought Merlin. This is MY mistake, I disobeyed the prophecy and now it's come back to haunt me just as the dragon said. Well there's more then one way to skin a cat or protect a king in this case. He watched as Arthur rode forth, then stole off toward the stable to saddle his horse. "Stay out of this Merlin" was such a broad statement. Technically he could still be staying out of it even if he followed him as long as he didn't catch him.

"BLAST!"

Merlin sat hunched on the ground, picking pine needles off of his robes and glaring at his twisted ankle. Fate was determined to stop him today. Fate in the shape of a rabbit that ran in front of his horse causing it to hurl him off onto the hard packed earth of the road. Merlin looked around, muttered a few words and he felt his ankle pop back into place. Leaning on his staff he rose, his horse was no where to be found. Merlin swore, luckily he was very close to where Arthur and his knights were headed. He took off at a run, for a man of thirty he was quite swift and he knew he would not be delayed long. But still he murmured a prayer to the God's he wouldn't be too late.

Merlin never forgot the sights of that day. Even in the short time it took him to arrive at Ardyred fate had found a way to thwart him. Mordred was not to be trusted, he had known that and he had told Arthur that. Never the less the thought of ambush had never crossed either of their minds. Naturally, it's exactly what occurred.

Mordred had acquired his own band of men and they had been lying in wait for Arthur and his knights. By the time Merlin burst out of the woods it was already over. Merlin stared in disbelief at the scene before him.

Under the grey sky the blood soaked ground had turned black. Bodies lay scattered like so much straw before a wind and Merlin could see the mark of Pendragon on them. "No…" Merlin whispered shaking his head, then again more forcefully. "NO!" He ran forward, his leather clad feet squelching in the blood soaked earth. His eyes were wild as he ran from body to fallen body.

Years later, Merlin could still remember the faces of the fallen. One by one he found them. " Cai,Pellinore, Gareth and his brother bold, loyal Gawain. Agravaine, Lancelot and his betrayer, his own son Gahlahad and even dear Sir Tristram who had so often confided in Merlin his torment over his forbidden love for Isolde. A love silenced forever now.

But as Merlin ran from body to body he seemed barely to register what he saw before him. He was searching for one face and one alone, the one who's armor bore the seal of the king of Camelot.

"ARTHUR!"

Merlin's cries rent the air, scattering the carrion birds that had already begun to gather around the field.

"Arthur! Where are you?"

So intent was he on his quest, Merlin barely noticed when he tripped over a body that had lain half hidden in tall grass. Kneeling Merlin turned the body over and saw the face of Mordred staring up at him, his ice blue eyes fixed in a dead stare. Merlin shuddered and closed them. Arthur had done it, he had killed Mordred. It was over! Hope filled Merlin for a moment, but only a moment. For as he rolled Mordred to the side another body was revealed and this one was clothed in Pendragon red.

"Arthur…" whispered Merlin in disbelief as he turned the body over. " Arthur!"

Suddenly there was a cough and a deep wheezing breath and Arthur stirred. Merlin feeling relief fill him raised Arthur on his arm, wiping the blood from his mouth and face. His tongue felt as though it were made of clay, he could not speak only stare stupidly at the scene before him. Arthur's lips moved soundlessly, Merlin spoke urgently.

"Arthur? "

Arthur seemed to be fighting with something unseen, for a time he struggled his face contorting then finally his lips moved again.

"Merlin…"

"I'm here…" said Merlin, "I'm here my king." There was no trace of sarcasm now, tears spilled from Merlin's eyes, he did not wipe them away. Arthur spoke painfully.

"Can't you ever do as you're told?"

Merlin smiled gravely, " Lie still…you'll be fine."

" Merlin.."

" Don't speak…let me see." Merlin gently removed the breast plate and lifted the chain mail, one look at the wound and Merlin knew it was mortal. But he wouldn't believe it. Arthur spoke again.

"Merlin, listen to me.."

" Hush!" Merlin spoke almost fiercely, "It will be allright…I'll find a way to…"

Arthur's voice was soft and sad, "Merlin…it's over."

With those words Merlin felt the weight of all the worlds fall upon his heart. He closed his eyes for a moment, struggling to find a solution.

"Arthur, don't say that."

Arthur grasped his arm, " It was a good try my friend…forgive me?"

Merlin found himself shaking his head, "Forgive you? Why? You should forgive me!"

"I wouldn't listen. I should have listened…now…look at what I've done."

Merlin put a hand to the side of his face, it felt cold and clammy as the air around. " You didn't do this..Mordred did and it isn't over…I can make things right."

" How?"

Merlin paused and took a deep breath.

"Magic." He said simply, " I can use magic."

Arthur looked at him wearily, " I know."

Merlin startled, " You do?"

"I've known what you are almost since I met you. I'm not stupid Merlin, how many coincidences can there be?"

" You knew…and you never.."

It was unspoken what Merlin meant. Arthur could have turned him in to king Uther for practicing magic, he could have had him killed. But he hadn't.

" No," said Arthur with a gasp, " I never did and I never would."

Merlin took Arthur's arm, then slowly he lay his hand on Arthur's wound. Arthur gasped, " What are you doing?"

" Just stay still. Trust me."

Arthur lay still and Merlin began to recite a spell. Chanting the words over and over again in a rhythm:

"Fratum es Fratum.

Fidelus um vitas es mori."

Translated the words were. "Brother to Brother, your's in life and death."

Merlin felt nothing, no rush of magical energy. No elating thrill of power, nothing. Finally his voice died out and slowly Arthur removed his hand from where it rested on his wound.

"I'm sorry, my friend."

Merlin was choking on tears, but finally he was able to speak. "I've failed you."

"I failed myself. Don't take it too badly Merl, you did the best you could."

Merlin's eyes flashed, " That's not good enough! Damn it, Arthur. You can't die! This isn't how it's supposed to end!"

" Apparently, it is. But you were right about one thing Merlin." Merlin felt something cool and Metalic slipped into his hands. He recognized the hilt of Excalibur, " It isn't over." Said Arthur, "Not as long as people keep remembering…that's your destiny now Merlin. Will you accept it."

" Arthur, please…please?"

" Consider it your last act of sacrifice on my behalf. "

Merlin grasped the sword, remembering the day he had drawn it from the lake where he had thrown it so long ago. He felt Arthur's hand slip over his own, grasping tightly.

"Do not forget me, my brother…remember…you ARE Camelot now."

Merlin kissed Arthur's brow. Too over come for words. Years later he would still recall the taste of his blood on his lips.

" Good bye, Merlin."

"Goodbye, my king."

"Arthur…say Good bye Arthur…"

"Good bye Arthur."

" Be well..my friend."

With that Arthur's eyes went blank and his head fell against Merlin's arm and Merlin knew he was gone. Such emotion filled Merlin that he felt he would burst, kneeling beside his fallen friend he wept freely. The field rang with his mourning sobs and suddenly a cry of agony burst from him. "WHY?!" he screamed his arms raised, "TELL ME WHY!" But there was no answer, he hadn't expected one. Slowly he rose and began walking back toward the forrest. He had never left.

The raucous call of a raven filled the glade sending the shadows in Merlin's mind scattering. Coming back to himself Merlin felt the tears in his eyes. "How dare he?" he thought, " How dare the fool put that on me? Is it my fault if my memory fails? We all grow old and what if I cannot bare to remember? What of it then? There's only so much a person can do to make people listen. " He rose slowly, the images fading into dark once more. "You are Camelot." Merlin snorted, " Then Camelot is a damn sorry place." He rose slowly feeling the cracks and pops that marked the beginning of age. Did Arthur not understand? That day he had lost his reason for living, his Destiny done what further use was he. He was forced to muddle on uselessly speaking to people that were too deaf or too stupid to understand and all the while feeling that over whelming sense of failure. After all those years of watching over Arthur, of saving him time and again and letting him take all the credit. After allowing himself to bond to the king…in the end he had failed to do what he was supposed to. He had failed to protect Arthur when it most counted.

Merlin opened his eyes slowly, reluctant to let the world in. " What is failure?" he asked the mottled green canopy above. Gaius and he had often discussed questions like this, it was an exercise meant to deepen thinking. Answering a question that has no answer.

For a moment he sat in silence trying to make the confused ramblings of his mind form coherent thought. He could almost hear his own irritated young voice saying, " This is pointless." Finally he began to think.

Failure is the inability to perform a task put to you. Failure is also failing to fulfill a promise, breaking ones word. Failure is also personal. What is Failure in my case? Failure is not saving the one person that meant the most to me. Failure is not being where I should have been and so failing to do what I should have done. Failure is ….me.

Merlin sat up wearily. He was not an old man in body, barely fifty, but in spirit he felt old beyond his years. Drooping wearily he made his way to his small hut made out of a cave in a rocky hillside. He entered the dim interior and lay down upon the low cot he'd fashioned out of pine bows and deer hyde. He pulled the thin wool blanket that had covered him for years over his aching body and closed his eyes . Staring at the blackness behind his eyes he waited. He did not sleep, he did not dream, he was simply still. Hours turned into days, and days into weeks and still he did not move. He knew nothing at this time, his mind was blank as a new piece of parchment and he welcomed it. He had thought too much for too long, he needed a rest. He needed peace. He needed nothingness. As the weeks went on, he could feel his power fading. He did not die, as he had suspected and hoped, only began to slowly become hollow, like a log devoured from the inside by beetles. Whole without, but no substance, it was a fate worse then death perhaps. But Merlin didn't care, the sun could have quenched it's golden light forever and the sea boil to steam and still Merlin would not have cared. For in his mind, he had nothing left to care about. After all, what is a man without a destiny? Yet, if he had no destiny why did he not die? These were all questions that Merlin may have thought in that empty silence, if he'd cared enough to. But he didn't and that was fine with him.

As is the way of things, if we hide from the world it comes and finds us. One day at twilight as Merlin lay in his silent hibernation, a sound so jarring it penetrated even his stupor, broke in upon him. It took him a moment to identify it's source. A knock. Some one was knocking on his door.

"Go away!" growled Merlin, " I've nothing for you and I've no use for visitors!" A few moments passed, then Merlin could hear the scraping sound of a stone being moved away. Was he dreaming? Someone had actually dared to unblock his door? He spoke again. " I don't know who taught you manners, but where I come from it's considered rude to enter without permission. If you're a thief, I'm sorry to disappoint you but what you see is what you get, if you're a beggar I have nothing to give you and if you're a murderer, what took you so long?"

There was silence, the faintest whistle of wind across stone. Then a voice spoke gently.

"Merlin?"

" I am Taliesin, Merlin is a myth."

" Merlin is you, Taliesin is the myth. You can't fool me, sly one."

The voice was a woman's, high with youth and naivete. But something in the tone was familiar.

"Vivianne?" Merlin felt his heart move for the first time in far too long, this was no stranger. "Vivianne is that you?"

A small, soft hand slipped into his own. He could smell the scent of roses and woodsmoke. The voice when it spoke again was tender, " I am not Vivianne."

Merlin let the woman's hand fall and he turned away. " Leave me in peace then. I have no interest in what you want to say."

" Merlin!" The voice spoke sharply, " I have come all this way, risked my life in this fowl forrest to see you. The very least you can do is look at me."

Merlin growled and opened his eyes, " I am Taliesan," he said stubbornly, " Merlin was a name for another life time. Merlin is dead."

"Merlin is right here in front of me and at the moment Merlin is being an idiot."

Merlin sat up then, his vision clearing. " Damn you, how dare you interfere with my misery? Can't a man wait in peace to die? Can't you see I don…"

Merlyn felt his breath catch suddenly, for the woman standing before was like a vision from the past. Her long chestnut hair may have been bound and her dress may have been more ornate but she was the image of his lost Vivianne, the woman he'd loved…the woman he'd lost. With one difference, when the child's eye caught the light of the fading sun Merlin could see they were brilliantly blue, like his own.

" Merlin?" asked the child, " Are you allright?"

Merlin opened his mouth, then closed it then repeated the process. Finally he spoke. "Who are you?"

"My name is Ninianne."

"Ninianne…" Merlin's voice was stupefied, he felt as though he had awoken from one dream into another. " Why have you come here, Ninianne?"

" My mother, spoke of a man named Merlin that she had loved. She said that should I need help to find him."

Merlin sighed. " I have loved many women, my dear. Many women, in many ways."

"But none in the way you loved her. You know of whom I speak."

Merlin chuckled to hide his discomfort, " I told many women that, as well."

" She seemed to know you very well. But no matter, will you help me or not?"

" Help you? I cannot even help myself!"

The girl bit her lip. " Merlin, Merlin, Merlin, what has become of you? People sing songs of you, write tales, you are as famous as Arthur now."

"Do not speak of Arthur Pendragon in my presence! " Merlin fell back, the force of his words sending him reeling. When he spoke it was in a pained way, " Why did you come here? I was perfectly comfortable feeling nothing, Why did you come and bring the past with you? What is it you want of me?"

" It does not matter now. Now I only want to help you."

" That I cannot grant you, I cannot be helped. I'm cursed."

Ninianne frowned, " So dramatic, Merlin. You're not cursed…you've cursed yourself. You miss Arthur, you mourn Arthur and Camelot and all that once was. I understand…but fate has not finished with you yet."

"How do you know? Are you some great seer?"

"No, it is obvious. Fate is not finished with you because you are alive."

Merlin was silent. He had not thought of that.

"But…I have no destiny."

"I think I can change that."

"Oh you can, can you? How?"

The girl seemed to hesitate, she looked away for a moment then met his eyes. " If you had another reason to live, another purpose, would you take it?"

" If It rained wine, would water be necessary? What difference would it make if I said 'yes' it is not so."

Another pause then the girl spoke again, " I can give you the purpose you seek, if you want it."

" You? You're just a girl…"

" I am more than just a girl. "

"Oh I see, A woman forgive me. Never the less…"

The girl raised her hand suddenly and uttering a short string of words sent a gust of wind blowing across Merlin, ruffling his long hair and tearing the blanket from him. Then with another word it was gone. Merlin stared at the girl in awe.

"Who ARE you?"

" My name is Ninianne. My mother was Vivianne of Avalon, guardian of the lake of Avalon and as you well know, she was your lover."

Merlyn felt himself tremble. " My daughter?"

Ninianne moved a step further timidly. "Yes,Father."


	2. The begining of the end

" _In Winter's chill,they were the golden fields of summer._

_Maiden and Mage, meet in fires light._

'_I have come for your power and my name is Vivianne'_

_And by the fire, Merlin knows his fate."-----Heather Dale, "Hawthorn Tree"_

Merlin did not speak right away. He was too busy trying to keep his head from exploding with the thoughts that came rushing into it. How could this girl be his daughter? Vivianne had long been dead and the same fate that befell her, befell their child as well. He knew that, he had been there.

Yet this woman had no reason to lie and he had no reason to think she was lying. Her eyes were clear, her tone honest and he could tell by the look of her she had his blood in her veins. As if the magic weren't enough. It was all too much, the past brought to life before him so suddenly. He racked his brain to find some deep and meaningful thing to say.

" Won't you sit down?"

Well, close enough.

Ninianne found a stool by the fire and perched on it daintily. Her fine features and thin figure made her look like a small bird, she fixed her bright eyes on him inquisitively.

Merlin tried very hard to remember what it was Gaius had said to him when he first arrived on his door step. What pearl of wisdom he'd imparted to him.

Merlin cursed inwardly as he remembered that Gaius had just about managed to get out: "Ah! Merlin!" Before backing into a balcony rail and nearly falling to his death. Merlin had saved his life..so began a long career of service. Oh no, Merlin couldn't top THAT kind of a first impression.

He cleared his throat. " Ninianne, you must understand this is all very confusing to me…I was under the belief that you died with your mother during the purge at Avalon. "

Ninianne twisted a strand of hair around her finger and her eyes became evasive and fearful. "I remember none of that now..but I was told of it."

" I was there, I saw them take you from my arms and drag you away. Mordred's army spared no one. How is it then that your sitting here?"

Ninianne seemed to be becoming steadily uncomfortable. " I was your daughter. One man, Eland was his name, he discovered who I was and forbid his men to harm me. They took me instead and he kept me for his own. "

" This Elan, you came to view him as a father?"

"Never! He was an evil man, eviler still then even Mordred for he acted not out of conviction but out of whim. He used people like objects, it was no different with me."

Ninianne stopped, dropping her head. " Please do not ask me what he did to me..know only this, I would gladly drive a knife into his heart if we met again."

Merlin looked at her, sympathy filling him, but also a kind of cold horror at the thought of how close his daughter had come to death.

"I should not have asked something so painful so quickly, forgive me child."

Ninianne gave a half smile, " It is nothing, I made up my mind when I escaped not to let him tarnish what's left of my life."

The shadows had deepened and Merlin sensed the girl's tiredness. He rose.

" I think we've talked enough for tonight. I know you must be tired. Do an old man a favor? There are blankets there..make a bed on the floor."

Ninianne did so with an uncomplaining duty that made Merlin think she must be used to doing for others. When she'd finished she looked up at him. "You're not old." Merlin smiled, " Not outside. Ah! That should do nicely."

With that Merlin sat cross legged on the blankets. Ninianne stared at him. " what are you doing?"

" Going to bed, you don't mind having the bed do you? If you prefer the ground…"

Ninianne lifted an eye brow, "But…you.."

"Don't worry about me, I've slept on the floor most of my life. I quite prefer it. Besides, what kind of a gentleman would I be if I let a lady sleep on the ground?"

" I am no lady."

"And I am no gentleman, but for the sake of argument.."

Ninianne smiled and pulled the curtain around the bed. Merlin turned his eyes to the fire and all was still.

Merlin remained in this position for quite some time, wrapped in his waking sleep he had perfected so well. Suddenly Ninianne's sleep voice came to his ear.

"Merlin?"

"Hmm..yes what is it?"

"What are you doing?"

Merlin's tone was indifferent. "I'm staring at the fire."

"Oh.." Ninianne seemed to be sizing up his state of mind. It would appear she wasn't liking her conclusions. Merlin rolled his eyes. "I'm thinking." Ninianne nodded, when she spoke again her voice was stronger. "You need your sleep."

"Oh no! On the contrary! I've slept far too long as it is, the last thing I need is sleep."

" Then you aren't angry at me for waking you?"

"Of course not…Ninianne when you found me I thought I had nothing to live for. I'd withdrawn so far into myself I'd forgotten who I was."

"But you woke up for me?"

" I heard your voice and I knew my destiny had found me again."

Ninianne cocked her head. " I don't understand."

Another thick one. Thought Merlin with a sigh. Why do I always get the thick ones.

" At first my destiny was to protect Arthur, to guide him…now I have you."

Ninianne looked at him, "You want to teach me?"

Merlin took a deep breath, " You have magic don't you? It wouldn't be very responsible of me if I let my daughter go about unable to use her gifts. Not to mention it would be dangerous."

Ninianne was smiling now. "Then you will let me stay?"

" Yes."

"Oh Merlin, thank you!" Ninianne made a move toward him, but he held up his hand. " No! Don't touch me…just go rest, you'll need it."

Ninianne went to go back behind the curtain, but Merlin called her back. "Ninianne," he said, " Thank you for waking me up."

The next morning dawned and Merlin had still not gotten over the shock.

A daughter, in all his predictions and visions Merlin never once could have seen this coming. Yet, there she sat by the fire in front of him, eating porridge of all things. As surreal as it all seemed, Merlin never once doubted that the girl was his daughter. She was her mother's image, dark of hair with dawn rosy skin and features fine as an elf's . One had to look much harder to see himself in her, but it was there. She had the same long limbed wiryness he'd possessed in his youth. She was small, but durable and there were those eyes, blue like the undisturbed water of a lake and just as deep. They sparkled with the keen wit and intelligence he himself possessed. Yes, Ninianne was his and now he had a responsibility to her. Was this really his new destiny? To train this girl as Gaius had trained him? If so for what purpose, in a world where people were starting to not believe in magic what use were wizard's and witches? "Yet we continue to exist" he thought, "So maybe we're meant to watch over them. Just as I was meant to watch over Arthur and now,her."

"Merlin?"

Merlin snapped back to the present, flicking his bright eyes to Ninianne. Her voice was so like Vivianne's, powerful and gentle it would proboubly always startle him. He tried to sound uninterested.

"Hmm, what is it?"

Ninianne's eyes seemed to be searching his. " How does this work, this…training? Do I learn by watching you or do you tell me?"

' Gods,' thought Merlin, 'you tell me child.'

" A bit of both really and who called it training? You're not a soldier or a cocker spaniel, it's more of a teaching I suppose. You can start by doing what you do best..questioning the life out of me."

Ninianne gave a small smile. " Well…does that apply to non magic things as well?"

Merlin froze in the middle of poking the fire. 'Say no,Merlin." He said to himself, " Tell her not to ask about the past, for the sake of your sanity.'

"Yes..I suppose. I know you must be curious. BUT, there is a condition…if I refuse to answer the matter is dropped. "

Ninianne nodded her consent. " Allright then…first of all..why is it you go by the name Taliesin now? Why not just stay Merlin?"

"I told you, Merlin is dead. He died with Arthur at Ardyrred."

Ninianne gave a pretty little sigh, " So I'm being taught by a ghost then?"

"Gods child! You know what I mean well enough."

Ninianne chewed her porridge thoughtfully, " I understand…so you became a bard to keep the old stories alive and so in a way keep Camelot and Arthur himself alive."

" If you say so."

Ninianne finished her porridge and started on an apple, Merlin wondered if there would be any food left by the time she left.

" Merlin, what happens when YOU die, did you ever think of that?"

Merlin closed his eyes wearily, " Every day of all these long years of mine. I suppose…perhaps..I'd hoped I could pass it on to someone one day. But…"

"But?"

"No one ever listens now, they call my stories myths..myths I tell you!" Merlin snorted, " They might as well call me a liar."

Ninianne mused for a time. Then she took a deep breath. " Would you pass on your powers as well?"

"Obviously I already have…but yes, I suppose when my time came I would transfer my power, if I could..if the person was trust worthy. But as I said, no one listens."

Ninianne took his hand. "I am listening now. Tell me the stories, not just about Camelot but..about you and my mother and…my people. Let me know the truth Merlin, then I promise you..I promise I will leave you in peace."

Merlin took her hand between his own and held it fast. " I will tell you all I know. But please, do not disappear from me again."

Ninianne's eyes were moist. " I can't." she said, " I have no where to go."

" Now you do." Said Merlin, and then clearing his throat his tone changed. " Now, first order of business…stop letting the cat eat out of your bowl and then come with me, I have something to show you."

Ninianne gently pushed the old tabby cat away from her and stood. Merlin did not turn as he went out the door of the cave, but he could hear Ninianne behind him . She was humming, he had not heard singing for too long. Sometimes fate could be kind.

Suddenly it struck him. She will be the one, Merlin. He thought, ' She's the one you've been hoping for or stopped hoping for. The fact that she's here mean's fate has finished with you, when she leaves you will die. Merlin felt a momentary shiver, then his daughter's humming filled his ears. He smiled, " It is worth it, she is worth sacrificing for. Let me do one last great thing before I leave this world.


	3. Beltane

" Camelot is shrouded in the carded fleece of winter.

Gwenivere sits, veiled in her own thoughts.

Arthur laughs, but beneath the crown his hair is turning grey,

And by the fire, Merlin spends his days."….Heather Dale "Hawthorne Tree".

Merlin's blue eyes scanned the smooth expanse of water before him. His eyes took in the tall grass and reeds now obscuring the docks the mystics had once used long ago . His vision rested on the dim shadow of the Isle of Avalon, now called Glastonberry Tor by the Saxons who had taken it over and the church in the fore ground seeming so out of place among the mighty stone tor that rose behind it. He sighed looking away again and catching Ninianne just before she tripped over a half hidden fallen log.

"We're here." He said flatly, " I'd watch where you were going if I were you, not all traps are so forgiving in these woods."

Ninianne looked up with shining eyes at the lake. Then just as quickly as it had kindled the light died, her voice was disappointed when she spoke.

"A lake?"

Merlin did not turn his eyes from the Isle before him his voice seemed far away. " Hardly just any lake…don't you recognise it?"

Ninianne wrinkled her face in concentration, "Should I?"

" It is the lake of Avalon. This was the hiding place and final resting place of Excalibur."

"Arthur's sword?"

"Yes…his sword.."

" Is it true it was made by a dragon?"

Merlin suddenly had an image of the great dragon that had lived in Uther's dungeon when he was just a boy. This was imeadiately followed by a very humerous image of it trying to forge a sword with a blacksmiths tools which made him laugh out loud. The echoes filled the woods around and he jumped, how long had it been since he'd heard himself laugh?

Ninianne was insulted, " That is what the stories say…what YOUR stories say." Merlin wiped his eyes, " Someone got the translation a bit wrong I think. The sword was forged by a normal black smith it was blessed with dragon fire."

"Oh," said Ninianne, " I see. " There was a moment of silence then she spoke again , " Merlin…I don't wish to make you angry but, what does Arthur's sword have to do with me? With all due respect I've no use for it…I mean in the end it didn't do him much good now did it?"

Merlin wanted to scold her, but he laughed instead. He swore he could hear Arthur laughing as well up in the hall of kings or wherever great men went to rest. "Ninianne," he said, " You remind me so much of myself, nothing could please me more….or scare me. You're right though, the sword is of no consequence to you. But this place is, your mother guarded this lake and it's isle for most of her life. She was only a little older then you when she was made head priestess.

Ninianne studied the placid surface of the lake. Though a strong summer breeze was ruffling the white heads of the hawthorne trees and alders that ringed the lake, the lake it's self remained flawlessly calm and smooth.

"It's so still." She said " It's like it's under a spell."

"Some say it is. But none of the druids ever cast one that I know of. But I admit I encouraged those myths, the more things to keep the wolves at bay the better."

Ninianne began to walk closer to the water, Merlin followed her leaning heavily on his druid staff. He remembered when Arthur had nearly drowned on the other side of this lake and he had saved him and all the other adventures they'd had around it. He drew a hand wearily over his eyes. When his vision was clear again he saw Ninianne standing with no fear on the old rickety dock at the waters edge. Merlin hurried up to her.

"Ninianne?"

Ninianne was staring into the water intently as though rapt in some enchantment. She spoke her eyes still fixed on the water.

"Can you see it?"

" What?"

"There are lights in the water, gold lights…"

" It's your imagination."

"No…they're there…wait…it's not lights it's fire! There's fire in the water and smoke!"

Merlin stepped closer to the child, he had seen this happen before with Vivianne and it had always unsettled him. These visions he couldn't understand, like Morgaine's dreams but stronger.

"Ninianne…" as he spoke her name, Merlin placed a hand protectively on her shoulder. "They're only echoes..shadows..pay them no mind."

"There are people…people running and men on horses. …the fire is every where! The horsemen won't let them escape, the fire is coming! Merlin! Help them!"

Merlin's grip tightened on her shoulder, he knew well the lessons Gaius had taught him about visions, to wake the seer too suddenly could do harm. He spoke softly but firmly to her. "Ninianne..listen to me…the things you see aren't real, their shades, shadows, echoes of the past. They don't exist…I exist..come back to me."

Ninianne was crying now and Merlin had seen enough. Quickly, before he could think too much he seized Ninianne by the shoulders and turned her towards him fixing his eyes on her own.

"Look at me!" he said, for a moment Niniannes eyes remained far away and glassy, then slowly they became her own again and she gasped. Merlin sighed with relief.

"What happened to me?"

"You had a vision…I hope. Either that or the lakes on fire and were both insane."

Ninianne shook her head as though clearing water out of her ears. " I'm sorry, it happens to me sometimes..since I was a child. I dream when I'm wide awake, It makes no sense."

"Maybe they're not dreams. What you saw today was no fancy, it happened. Long ago, but it happened and it happened at this very spot on that isle over there. As you saw men did come with horses and they burned everything and everyone was killed…everone except you…and me."

Ninianne was silent. " Do not tell anyone of this. All my life I've tried to hide it."

"It is nothing to be ashamed of, never apologize for what the God and Godess have given you. Foresight is a gift."

The girl seemed to tremble, " Not to hear Eland tell it."

Merlin was beginning to think he knew this Eland or had once long ago. In the shape of Uther Pendragon and his blind fear of magic. But he sensed a deeper evil there and so let the matter rest.

"I am not Eland, those days are over. Never fear to tell me anything." Ninianne nodded then turned to him.

"The men on horse back, were they Mordred's men?"

"No…but I think he may have had a hand in it. No a Wizard led these men, I know because I saw him use magic. I never got his name."

Ninianne took a breath, " You met him then?"

Merlin's face grew hard, " Oh yes…but never mind. That's a story for another time."

" There's something I don't understand," said Ninianne , "Why would Mordred choose to kill his own people? He was a druid too wasn't he?"

Merlin cast his eyes toward the Isle his thoughts strayed to Nimiue and the time after her fall, then it was his turn to shiver. " Mordred was whatever was most to his advantage. It was his nature, his mother Morgause was the same they say."

"Was Mordred magic?"

" Did he HAVE magic? No. Was he taught it? Yes. His mother taught him sorcery, dark magic..that was how he was conceived."

" Is it true he was Arthur's son."

That's enough, thought Merlin. Enough uncomfortable material for today . "Yes. I don't wish to talk about it anymore, you'll learn in time."

"But…"

"In time!"

Ninianne returned her gaze to the water. She spoke quietly. "You said you'd tell me the stories you told the others."

" You've heard those, I'll tell you the ones I tell no one else. They'll interest you more. "

Ninianne seemed trying to choose her words carefully, " Will you tell me my story? My mother's story?"

" That would be the longest tale in the history of the world my child…be more specific."

Ninianne furrowed her brow, " Tell me about my mother and you."

Merlin closed his eyes. 'So it begins' he thought to himself. Gods be with me.

" Sit down, child." He said, " This is a long story."

They settled down on the dock and Merlin began in a voice old as memory and deep as pain.

" I don't know where to begin."

" Begin at the beginning. When did you meet? How? You in the kings court and her a druid priestess, how on earth could you have crossed path's?"

"Beltane," said Merlin, " It was Beltane."

Then he began his tale.

Camelot: 18 years ago ( Uther is still King, in his last year. Arthur and Merlin still in their twenties)

Merlin remembered the feast of Beltane most vividly of all the feasts. Mostly because Arthur usually gave him the evening off or had him act as watch dog for him when he was up to no good. Either way, Merlin enjoyed a certain level of freedom. He was able to persue his own ways of celebrating, instead of just watching others.

"Merlin! Get out of there!"

That is if he could avoid Gaius and his hawk like vision. Merlin, half fell and half dropped out of the hay loft in the stable where he'd been disposing of some second class mead Arthur had snubbed. Gaius stared sternly down at him in his court robes.

" The next time I ask you to walk Prince Arthur to his chambers, I'll be sure to search you both."

Merlin gave his usual disarming grin, " It was going bad! Arthur didn't want it, it seemed a shame.."

"What's a shame, Merlin is that such talent can be housed in such a thick skull!" Gaius boxed him on the ear gently but firmly enough to make his point. " Where is prince Arthur dare I ask?"

"In his chambers..I did what you said, I just made a detour."

Gaius rolled his eyes. " Well do what I say now and go home…go to bed. Trust me you do not want to be out here once the throngs of drunken imbeciles show up…STOP SMILING MERLIN!"

Merlin coughed, forcing his face into a more serious expression. "Right…drunken idiots…disgusting..going home. Got it."

Merlin hurried off, but Gaius's voice stopped him in his tracks better then a grab to the shoulder. " Merlin…"

"What?"

" Merlin, if I find out Prince Arthur is NOT in his chambers or if Uther finds out first, god forbid it, You will be mucking out this stable without magic, using your own spoon. Do you understand?"

Merlin nodded and Gaius turned.

When Merlin reached his front door step he froze. He couldn't explain what he was feeling, he never could when the magic took over. But he knew this, he was not alone. There was something…someone else and it was standing very close by.

He felt the magic energy instinctively build within him as it always did when he was threatened. One hand on the dagger under his cloak he went to turn. But suddenly a black gloved hand was over his mouth. Without a second thought he bit it.

"Christ! MERLIN!"

The hand released him and Merlin turned toward the all too familiar voice. "Arthur?" He walked toward him.

" You proboubly should have asked that question earlier!"

Arthur was clutching his hand to him. "You're insane, Merlin."

"I'm insane? I'm not the one grabbing unsuspecting servants at night! Why aren't you in your chambers?"

Arthur flexed his hand, " I got bored." He winced again shaking his hand. Merlin came contritely forward.

"Gaius is going to kill me…here , stop moving it you idiot! Let me see…is it bad?"

Arthur swatted Merlin across the face a few times, " Can you see it now? Come on, don't think I don't know you still have some of that mead left."

"Personally, I think you've had enough. Besides, Gaius made me dump the rest into the pig trough."

Arthur sighed making a dramatic face, " I never thought this day would come, Merlin. But I actually want to be a pig."

"You've made a good start of it. OW!"

Arthur was always faster than him, but Merlin never learned his lesson. He rubbed his head where Arthur had swatted him and turned back to the door. " Can I trust you to go back alone or do I have to baby sit you?"

"Come on, Merlin! It's Beltane! Don't you want to do something…risky?"

Merlin just looked at him then, years of repressed sarcasm bubbling to the surface in his blue eyes. But when he spoke, it was flat. " Every time I'm with you it's doing something risky. You're a trouble magnet Arthur."

"Good thing you're there then, eh Merl?"

"You said it, not me. Arthur, please. Just go to bed."

Arthur was leaning on the stone wall of Gaius's house, he seemed to be studying the family ring on his finger. "You ever been with a woman Merl?"

Merlin stopped in the act of putting the key in the key hole and turned slowly to face Arthur. " Are you taking confessions now? Better start with your own, see you in a year or two hey?"

Arthur took his arm, stopping him. " Merlin, stop being a girl. It's a simple question. Have you or haven't you?"

Merlin ran a hand over his face. " If it's so simple, then you answer it. Have you ever been with a woman?"

Arthur's face turned pale, then flushed, then with a shake of his head he spoke dismissively. " Of COURSE I've been with a woman! What kind of a question is that?"

"The same one you just asked me."

"That's different, you're a servant…I'm the future king of Camelot!"

Merlin was chuckling now inwardly. He knew darn well that the only woman Arthur had ever taken to his bed was his Bore hound when she had a hunting injury. " Well, MY KING" said Merlin with a smile, " If you'll forgive me I need to be going in."

Arthur put his arm up, blocking the door. His voice was mischievious and teasing. "Merliiiin…"

"Whaaaat?"

Arthur's grin broadened, " YOU still haven't answered my question."

" Oh, didn't I? I thought I did? Maybe you just didn't hear me."

Arthur looked at him pointedly, " Tell me again."

Merlin winced, then he smiled. " Yup."

"Yup?" asked Arthur, following him into the house now. "Yup what? Yes you've been with a woman?"

" Yup…lots of them."

"You little liar!"

"I'm quite serious and who are you calling little?"

" Just quoting the ladies." Merlin glared at him, "I am going to have to lock you in your room again aren't I?"

Arthur sighed, " Well, since you're such a lady''s man, maybe you'd like to come with me to the Beltane fires."

CRASH! TINKLE! THUMP! BANG!

"The Beltane fires?" Merlin had turned around so fast his pack had knocked the contents off of one of Gaius's shelves. He went closer to Arthur. "At the Isle of Avalon? Arthur, that's a druid celebration!"

" You don't say? I know what Beltane is Merlin I'm not a total idiot!"

"Arthur, Druids use Magic! If your father ever found out…"

Arthur turned him to him. " He won't…everyone is so drunk they won't even notice we're missing until we're back. Come on Merl…you're not scared of a little magic?"

Merlin felt his insides roll and clench. " No, I'm not afraid of magic….just of your father."

" When last I saw my father he was as drunk as the rest of them…"

"King Uther? Drunk? Are you sure about that?"

" He called me Morganna, Merlin."

Merlin's grin broadened, " Ah, there you go then."

"Yes, there I go and here we go!" he grabbed Merlin's arm and started pulling him. " Rumor has it Merlin, that YOU know where the isle is..is that true?"

" Arthur, there's a huge stone Tor on it, anyone can find it!"

"YES! But, not everyone is known there..EMBRIS."

Merlin flipped out of his friend's playful grasp. The stare he leveled at him was anything but playful. "How do you know that name?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow, " Easy Merlin..I knew Mordred too remember?"

" He never called me Embris, not in front of you."

" Well maybe it was some OTHER druid then. As I said this is not my first time …what's the big deal? It's just a name, I'm not fond of mine either but.."

"Embris is not my name! I don't know why the druids call me that."

"Ah, but you admit, they trust you."

Merlin rolled his eyes, " Yes. But I don't wish to take advantage of that trust."

Arthur nodded, " Oh, I see…you certainly wouldn't want to offend your new friends the druids. I mean especially not for the person you swore fielty to."

Merlin gave a flustered sigh and walked toward the gate. Arthur followed slowly. " That's it? Going so easily Merlin?"

Merlin turned to him, " I do have one condition..my lord." He added the title pointedly. Arthur turned to him, when he saw how dead serious his friends expression was he stopped.

"Merlin?"

" Arthur, promise me…promise me you won't ever use that name for me around anyone."

"What? Embris?"

"HUSH! Yes, it's important to me. Don't ever mention it to anyone either, even in jest. You hear?"

"Yes, Yes, if you hate the name that much."

"Thank you. Now follow my lead. Oh and I'm sorry…"

Arthur put his head to one side, " Sorry? For wh..?"

Bang! In a move so sudden Merlin wound up and hit Arthur in the jaw. The expected outcome came. Arthur once he came to his senses drew his sword and was off after him. " Merlin! Come back and fight coward!" At that moment Merlin threw himself down at Arthur's feet , " Forgive me my lord! I will not disobey again! Please, my prince…no need to PUNISH ME further!"

"Merlin what are you..?" Merlin winked at Arthur and Arthur seemed to make the connection. He sheathed his sword and dragged Merlin up by his shirt. " You're lucky the Pendragon name is a merciful one or you'd be dead! Challenge me to a fight will you? Drunk or no that's an insult that won't stand. To the Isle with you!"

" No Sire! Please! Not with those savages! They..they use MAGIC!"

"Yes, the Isle..Gaurd let us pass!"

The Guard looked at Arthur drunkenly. " Prince Arthur, what's going on?"

"This servant has dared to strike me! I'm teaching him a lesson."

" Can't you ever do anything the easy way? Why not just put him in the dungeon."

Arthur glared at the man, " What's that Brisbane? You want to be put in the dungeon! Well then…"

The guard waved his hands, " No, no, forgive me my prince…just making a suggestion."

"Well, I suggest you move."

The guard did so and Arthur marched Merlin into the shadow of the trees beyond. Then they both started laughing.

"You do know how to make trouble, Merlin! I'm proud of you."

Merlin wiped his eyes, " Couldn't have done it with out you, my lord. Sorry about the punch."

"That's ok, I'll get you back later…now where's this lake?"

" I'll show you."

"Lead on," said Arthur. Then he whispered " Embris."

Merlin hit him again and it was not out of necessity.

" Arthur, we're here."

Arthur came up behind Merlin.

" Honestly, you might have reminded me about horses…I'm lame as a…God in heaven!"

Arthur's eyes grew wide at the sight before him. Across the water lay the Isle of Avalon. The entire Isle seemed to be aflame. Dozens of bon fires lit the island and the sound of drums and chanting filled the air. Upon the Tor was the largest bonfire of them all and silloughetted there was a group of cloaked figures. Obviously priests and priestesses.

Merlin only grinned, " Impressive isn't it?" Arthur couldn't seem to tear his eyes away.

" It's like a fairy story."

"Stop being a girl ."

Merlin led Arthur down to the dock and got into the small row boat that served as a ferry over to the Isle. Arthur just stood there, looking at him doubtfully.

"Well, Come on! Get in!"

"Into that? No thank you."

"Arthur, do you want to go to the Isle or not? " Suddenly Merlin grinned, " Oh, I see…you're afraid of the Fairies…"

" Shut up, Merlin you idiot! Don't forget who you're talking too! I can't swim if you must know."

Merlin gave him a reassuring smile, " Go on Arthur, don't be a git. I wouldn't let anything happen to you, would I?"

Arthur seemed to be thinking about this. His eyes were on the fires. " Merlin, don't you breathe a word of this to anyone,understood? But…what if I am afraid of…of the fairies?"

Merlin gave a short burst of laughter, " I thought you'd met druids before…many times."

" I lied." Said Arthur without a trace of shame, " Look my honor was at stake."

"What ELSE did you lie about?"

" I swear Merlin, one word…"

Merlin leaned back against the prow of the boat. " Don't worry, your secrets safe with me. Listen, Arthur..they're just people. Like you and…well…me. You're not afraid of me are you?"

"You don't know how to use magic."

Merlin felt that old familiar tightening of his throat at these words. But he smiled. " Arthur, trust me. I wouldn't lead you into danger."

"Oh all right, but if you tip this boat over I will haunt you forever!"

Arthur got in the boat and they rowed toward the Island. When they landed on the shore they were met with six druids in cloaks, all with bows at the ready. They stared at Arthur.

"Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon…" came a voice almost as proud as Arthur's it's self. " We did not expect to be honored with such a visit."

There was something in the way the man said "honored" that made Merlin feel as though he was anything but.

" It's allright, Kellan. He's my..friend."

The druid removed his hood and peered at Merlin, a small tight smile crossed his pale face. " Ah, Embris! Why didn't you speak up sooner? We usually do not permit those not of our faith upon this Isle, but any friend of yours is welcome. Please come ashore!"

" Now, look here," Arthur began as he stepped out of the boat with Merlin. " I am the future king of Albion and I expect you to treat me…"

Merlin grabbed his arm. Hissing through his teeth. " Shut up, idiot! Were not in Camelot anymore…just…let me do the talking."

Kellan turned, the fire light lighting up his long blonde hair and ice blue eyes. " I see the pendragon heir is as humble as his father…here you will be treated as your actions dictate."

Arthur reluctantly nodded.

Kellan led them to the foot of the Tor. "Take part in our festivities, eat, drink and do as you will. But, this place you must not approach. This Tor is sacred ground, to go to it unbidden is sacriledge and punishable by death.

"We understand." Said Merlin.

Kellan fixed his icy eyes on Arthur, " It is not you I worry about, Embris. What say you Arthur Pendragon?"

" This is your Isle, I will respect your rules." Said Arthur with a nod.

"Very well then," said Kellem, " I leave you to yourselves."

Kellen withdrew and Arthur gestured after him. " Swine!" Merlin glared at him. " Kellen is a good man, just because he does not believe what you do does not make him any less so."

Arthur sighed, " Well, I'm not here to deal with him. See you Merlin!" With that Arthur moved to step off.

"Wait! What do you mean, 'see you Merl" ? You don't think I'm letting you loose alone."

Arthur raised his head, " I may let Kellen insult me, but not you Merlin. Do not forget you are still my servant."

"Fine, don't say I didn't warn you."

Arthur stepped off. Merlin stood awkwardly for a moment before moving toward a quite spot by the water. As he walked he passed circles of people, laughing , singing and drinking. Many whirled about in wild dances and from the woods came sounds that no wild animal could make. It didn't take much imagination to see what was going on . Occaisonally people would call out to him to join them, he would only raise his hand and continue on. The truth was, Merlin was shy. True, he was more at ease around these people as he did not have to hide himself from them, but still he preferred solitude to wild abandone. As he sat by the lake side, watching the fires reflect in the water and listening to the drums pulse wildly he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

He turned quickly to find a druid woman, clothed in the robes of her kind. She wore a mask, like many of the others so he could barely see her face. Her voice was powerful and smooth when she spoke, Merlin was imeadiately mesmerized.

"Do not you dance?" she said with a slight tilt of her head. Merlin almost couldn't respond he was so dazzled. Finally he got his tongue to move. " I-I can't dance." He said thickly, looking away.

"It is not hard, let me show you." She held out her hands, Merlin felt his throat tighten. " No..no thank you, really..I was just about to.."

The woman took his hands and pulled him to his feet, " I know you, Embris. I have waited long to make your acquaintance."

"Who are you?"

The woman laughed, throwing her head back. " Do not you know the Lady of the Lake?"

Merlin drew himself back, " Vivianne? The ladyof the Isle? Oh forgive me..I didn't." he went to bow but she stopped him, pulling him towards her lithe form.

"Tonight, such formalities are not needed, Embris. But surely you would not refuse a high priestess a dance?"

"N-never my lady."

"Good and my name is Vivianne, tonight."

"Vivianne…I'm Merlin. That's what my mother calls me."

Vivianne smiled, " Merlin? Like the falcon. It's a fine name, I am honored to know it. Now..Merlin, dance with me!"

She pulled him with her as she ran to a near by fire circle where people were already whirling to the pagan sound of drums and flutes. She handed him a clay cup of mead. "Drink." She said, "You will need it." Merlin did so and no sooner had he finished then he was in her arms again as she led him in a wild, whirl wind of a dance that set his head spinning he laughed. " Do all your priests and priestesses dance like this?" Vivianne laughed, her almond shaped eyes shining like amber, "No, I am the best."

Dancing with Vivianne was unlike anything Merlin had ever experienced, it sent his pulse racing and filled his body with a heat that was not from fire or mead. As the evening wore on, miraculously his head remained clear. However, the heat in his body grew and soon he felt the magic in him begin to dance as well. He was free, he was complete, he was home. Soon his entire body was a tingle, that was when Vivianne halted them and pulled him along with her as she ran.

"Vivianne, slow down! You're going to kill me!"

The priestess stopped an all too frisky smile on her face. " Come with me Embris, I have something to show you."

Merlin went to her side. " I can hardly walk, that mead was the strongest I've ever tasted."

" It is made from our own Bees, the flowers of Avalon are said to be as magic as the people."

Merlin took her hand, " Well, they must be very magic Bees then. So show we this thing you're talking about."

" Come." She said and led him into the woods. She led him through the deep forest until they came to a stand of pine. Then she turned to him. " You must swear never to tell anyone what I'm about to show you."

"Fair enough."

"Not even the young pendragon, do you swear?"

Merlin took a deep breath. " Yes, I swear."

She led him through the trees into a clearing littered with pine needles. The tree tops parted there to show a perfect patch of star lit sky. From above the full moon shown down illuminating what lay below. Merlin gasped, to the right on a rough stone alter stood a block of granite. In the block, shining brilliantly in the moon light was Excalibur.

" That's Arthur's sword!" gasped Merlin, "I'd recognise it anywhere! The dragon told me to keep it secret!"

"You did a very good job. Have no fear Merlin, I am the guardian of the lake of Avalon and so, now I am excalibur's guardian. I felt you should know."

Merlin was dumb founded. "But…the dragon said…"

"The old one knows of this, he approved."

"But how could you possibly have spoken with him? He's imprisoned in Uther's dungeon!"

Vivianne walked to the alter and stroked the swords engraved hilt. " One does not have to see each other to talk, Merlin. You know that, magic beings communicate through great distance."

Merlin walked and stood beside her.

"How can you just leave it here? What if someone were to steal it!"

"I'd like to see them try, I may seem a silly child Merlin but you would not want to raise my wrath."

Merlin shook his head, "Still.."

Vivianne gestured toward the sword, " If it worries you so, try to remove it."

"I…I shouldn't."

"Go on, I give you permission. Try to take it ."

Merlin approached the alter and took the sword by it's jeweled hilt and taking a deep breath pulled. To his surprise it did not budge. He tried again and again but the blade did not move an inch. He looked to Vivianne.

"It's stuck…have you put a spell on it?"

Vivianne sat down gracefully on the pine needle covered ground. " Clever of me wasn't it? No one but the future king of Albion can remove it."

"You mean Arthur?"

"Who else would I mean?"

"But you told me not to…" Vivianne cut him off. " The time is not right yet. The sword is to be used by Arthur in a time of his deepest need. You will know when the time is, it is then you must bring him here."

" How will I know the time has come?"

Vivianne stood and walked to him, putting her hand on his chest. " The same way you know when you must help Arthur. You will feel it, in your heart."

Merlin stood open mouthed. Slowly he spoke. " I feel something in my heart now."

"Oh? And what is that?" said Vivianne, canting her delicate head.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't say anything."

Another smile and Vivianne leaned in kissing his lips. Merlin startled at first, then kissed back. When they parted, Vivianne looked deep into his eyes. " I feel it also. We will do great things together, Embris. It is our destiny to be together, I saw it in your eyes when you first arrived."

Merlin could feel himself trembling. "Vivianne, listen…this may sound disrespectful but. We hardly know each other, how can you feel this way?"

"You do not feel it?"

Merlin did feel it, Vivianne was like lightening in his veins. His magic connected to her's in a way he had never experienced before. It was not an enchantment or a spell it was…love?

" Yes," said Merlin, "Yes, I feel it."

Vivianne kissed him again, this time her hands moved to lift his shirt and he stopped her.

"Wait…I'm not sure this is such a good idea."

"Merlin, I am no fool. I know the difference between drunken abandon and desire. I want to be with you as much as you want to be with me. Unless I am wrong?"

Merlin squirmed, his voice gone husky in his throat. " No, no you're not wrong…I want this…I really, REALLY want this. It's just…I've never.." he stumbled over the words.

"You have never made love to a woman?"

Merlin shook his head, ashamed. But Vivianne only took his hand and lifting his shirt over his head buried her face in his chest. Merlin felt his knees buckle as she guided him down to the ground she whispered. " Then you must let me show you."

When Merlin returned to the boat later, Arthur was not there. For a moment fear filled him but the reason for his lateness was soon apparent. He arrived a girl on either arm, they seemed to be supporting him more then fawning over him and it made Merlin laugh slightly.

"Hello, Arthur…had a good time did you?"

"Merlin! Sorry I'm late," he leaned forward confidentially, " Have to humor the ladies don't you know."

Merlin smiled, " Yeah, well humor me will you and get in the boat…come on I'll help you. You smell like a honey bee hive." Merlin helped Arthur into the boat, " Excuse us ladies." With that Merlin set on rowing toward shore.

"What a night Merl!" said Arthur, " Your right, Druid's are wonderful people…wonderful."

"We'll see how you feel tomorrow. At least I know how to handle myself, you didn't deflower the entire Isle did you?"

"No! I am a gentle man after all…only one and let me tell you Merlin, she is NOT complaining."

"I'll take your word for it."

There was a moment of silence as they neared the dock, Merlin sprung out and went to help Arthur. Arthur reached out for his hand, but suddenly he sniffed the air.

"Hang on a minute…"

"Something wrong?"

Arthur sniffed the air again, "You smell like sandal wood."

" So what if I do?"

Arthur's grin was growing, " Druid women wear sandal wood perfume, don't they Merl?"

" I don't know…"

" They do! What are you hiding from me?"

"Arthur, I don't think this is any of your…"

Arthur stood up almost knocking over the boat and Merlin quickly hauled him ashore. "AHA! So something did happen." He leaned closer to Merlin, "You did it, didn't you Merl?"

Merlin bowed his head, but in spite of himself he felt a grin cross his face.

"Way to go, Merlin! I see I've had a positive influence on you."

" Look, it's no big deal…just don't mention it to anyone. "

Arthur grinned, " Who is she Merlin?"

" Her name is Vivianne. Now let's get you home."

When they arrived at Arthur's chamber door, he suddenly turned to Merlin and spoke. " Vivianne, was it? I think I know her…"

"Arthur, you're drunk…stop talking."

"No, really. Maybe she was one of the one's I…"

Merlin shoved him down onto his bed. " Say good night Arthur."

"Good night, Arthur."

Two minutes later he was asleep. Merlin walked to the window and looked out at the perfect clear night sky. "Good night, Vivianne." He said.

Merlin stopped speaking and Ninianne looked at him expectantly. " Was that how I was conceived?"

"Yes, but you mustn't think we were reckless. We both knew what we were doing and as strange as it sounds. I believe we were meant to do it.

"Did you love each other?"

"More then you can ever imagine, after that night she was all I thought of. She was the air I breathed and the ground I trod on. I snuck away to the Isle whenever I could and we would go walking where no one could see us. We would sit by the alter to Excalibur and talk for hours, about our lives, our dreams and the future. I have never in all my years felt so complete as I did that day."

"Why did you not remain at Avalon?"

"Why do you think? It was never my destiny to live at Avalon. I was needed in Camelot, Arthur needed me as did Gaius and I needed them. Your mother knew our dreams would have to wait . We thought we had all the time in the world. The young always do."

"But you didn't?"

Merlin looked away, " No…no we didn't."

"Will you tell me that story?"

Merlin sighed wearily, getting to his feet. " Not today, I am tired and there is still much to do today."

"Yes father," said Ninianne. Merlin stopped and turned to her. " Merlin is my name, do not call me father."

" Yes, Merlin." Said Ninianne and set off after him.


	4. Lessons

" _From then, no moment passed when they were not together._

_She grew in strength. As waning his grew dim." ----Heather Dale "Hawthorne Tree"_

"Wizard's first rule…" Merlin threw this at Ninianne as she stood washing dishes as he layed out objects from an ancient pack. Ninianne's eye flickered at its corner as she heard the familiar prompt. " Harm None."

" And how do we harm none?"

"By always staying in control. Both of ourselves and of our powers."

Merlin smiled, " And how do we remain in control?"

" Will power."

" And?"

" Strength of heart."

"And?"

" Practice?"

Merlin put the sack aside. " All good answers. All true and none of them are the one I'm looking for."

Ninianne threw the dish rag down, " Well if everything has a million answers how am I to know which one it is?"

" Patience. You forgot patience. Most young people do."

Ninianne scooped the cat up from the counter and took it with her over to the make shift table where Merlin sat. Merlin glared at the cat where it lounged on her lap. " Hedonist." He admonished playfully, " You're job is to catch mice not romance my students."

Ninianne smiled as the cat rose and stretched his long, elderly frame pointedly before exiting through the cave door.

" I have to ask, where did you ever pick up a cat?"

"I had no say in it. He chose me. One day, I'm walking down the road from Camelot on some errand for Arthur and I get this feeling like something or someone is following me. I turn and there's this half grown kitten tagging at my heels. The faster I walked, the more it followed me. We've been companions ever since."

" That's one long lived cat."

" I often wonder if he's a cat at all or some creature of magic like the old dragon. Though I doubt a mystical being would be so fond of mice."

Ninianne laughed, then her eyes fell on the objects on the table. She picked one up, a triangular shaped piece of stone dangling from a chain. She twirled it with her fingers smiling.

"What's this? A toy?"

Merlin snorted, " Would I waste my time with toys? It's a pendulum, it's a tool to practice focus."

Ninianne stared at the dangling stone. " How does it work?"

" Well you see the object is to get the stone to move without using your fingers."

Merlin showed her what he meant taking the silver chain in his long thin fingers and focusing his blue eyes on the stone at it's end. Ninianne did not even blink when the amber cast came over Merlin's eyes as the magic took effect. The stone began to rock back and forth gently. After a few moments, Merlin stopped. He put a hand to his forehead and winced. " It's been a while since I was that focused, now your turn. Don't be discouraged it usually takes months just to get the stone to.."

Merlin looked over and blinked in surprise, there stood Ninianne her eyes alight with the same amber cast that had so often filled his own. Her gaze remained fixed on the rock adamantly as it whirled in the air in a circle.

God in Heaven, the child's a better witch then her mother and I put together. Thought Merlin to himself. Good thing Uther's not alive to see this.

" Amazing…"

Ninianne turned to him, the pendulum fell to the table with a clatter.

" Didn't I do it right?"

"Oh you most certainly did…you're better at it then I am. Try this." Merlin stood a candle on the table and with a wave of his hand a flame crackled to life. " Extinguish the flame the same way you made the pendulum move. Using your mind only."

Ninianne fixed her eyes on the candle flame and Merlin waited. A moment or two went by, no change came over the girl's eyes or the candle flame. Ninianne's brow puckered in concentration but still the flame did not dim.

" You can stop, child." Said Merlin, patting her on the shoulder. " You shouldn't be able to do it on the first try any way."

Ninianne's eyes never left the flame, when she spoke her tone was even. " No..I can put it out, I know I can."

"You'll tire yourself and then you won't be able to do anything at all."

Ninianne stared on, her breathing had become more rapid now and Merlin noticed her eyes were large as though she were seeing more than just what lay before her. Merlin came closer to her but she did not respond.

"Ninianne.."

" I have to put it out."

" No you don't, leave it for now."

Ninianne shook her head. " No! The fire has to be put out!"

"Ninianne, leave it…"

Tears glazed Ninianne's eyes as she stared at the quivering flame. " I can't put it out..I can't! Merlin, help me!"

"Ninianne!"

"No! MOTHER!"

At the utterance of that one word the fire flared to such a height it nearly blackened the cave roof. The candle remained stubbornly lit. Ninianne gave a screech of terror and turned just as Merlin pulled her into his arms. He held her firmly as she sobbed against him.

"It's allright, child. You're safe now. Come back to yourself."

Ninianne clung to him, when she spoke her voice trembled " I don't like fire."

" I can understand why…you DO remember that day, don't you?"

Ninianne nodded against his shoulder. " I tried to put the fire out. I tried to make it rain, but ..I couldn't I was too small..I tried to untie her…"

"But someone stopped you from going into the fire."

Ninianne looked up at him, her face stained with tears. " You were there?"

Merlin nodded, feeling his throat tighten. Ninianne's voice was broken, " Why didn't you save her?"

Merlin felt the tears in his own eyes as he spoke. " I was too late."

" You saw it too then…the fires, the black smoke and those horrible men."

" I remember…I never felt more hatred then I did that day."

" Even as a child, I can remember how the sky turned black suddenly and lightning and thunder came from a clear sky and I heard a voice chanting strange words I couldn't understand. I thought the world was ending."

Merlin's voice was far away. " It was. In a way."

"That voice was you, wasn't it? You made the storm come."

Merlin nodded, " I knew I was too late to save her, any of them really. But I said to myself let them know what they've awakened."

" You tried to protect me too, didn't you?"

Merlin nodded from very far away. " But, as in everything else in my life…I failed."

Ninianne leaned into him like a small child. " Will you tell me the story?"

Merlin pursed his lips. "Not yet…the time isn't right. But soon."

Ninianne lowered herself onto one of the stumps that served as a seat by the fire, twining her arms about her knees and drawing her legs up like a little hedge hog. She stared at the flames, " What is the Wizard's second rule?" she asked quietly, trying to switch the subject.

Merlin seemed startled at first. But slowly he came back to himself. " Wizard's second what? Oh! Yes, of course. I'm sorry. " Respect the balance."

"What do you mean, " the balance"?"

Merlin spoke matter of factly, " Now you're nowhere near ready to grapple with this one, but you have to know. Any responsible Witch or Warlock knows there is a balance in the world, in nature as it were. Life and death are both forces and our lives hang in the balance. If the scales were to become unequal the natural order of things would be warped and lord knows what would happen."

"So how do we keep the scales even?"

" Well usually it's done for us..when ever some one dies, someone else is born and so it goes. HOWEVER, if you use magic to tamper with the balance. Say bring back the dead or kill a foe, well then there is a price you have to pay."

"What price?"

"That depends on the outcome. If you use magic to kill, you must give back if you do not something is taken from you in payment. That is why most workers of magic will never use magic for that end unless forced."

Ninianne's tone was hesitant. " What happens…if you use it to create life or bring it back?"

Merlin bowed his head, " Some one has to die in it's place. Or something, depending. The debt and the payment have to be equal in worth."

Ninianne's eyes grew sad. " That's why my mother had to die." She said, "So I could be saved."

Merlin stiffened, I suppose you could take it that way.

Ninianne lowered her head, " I just hope I was worth it."

Merlin brushed a hand over her hair, " You are more than worth it."

" How do you know?"

" You are my child, the child of the only woman I ever loved and most importantly you are my saving grace. What better treasure could the fates ask for? What better treasure could I ask for?"

Ninianne buried her tear filled eyes in Merlin's cloak. " I love you." She said.

Merlin's eyes were sad. Why had she had to say it? To him, love was to be feared. Love led to pain and loss especially in his case and not only his own.

He leaned his cheek against his daughters head and closed his eyes. " I wish you wouldn't, love me. It would be so much easier for you."

Ninianne sighed, " You're worth the price." She said simply.

Merlin seldom slept now. But often he would drift into a waking sleep of sorts in which he dreamed and yet was aware of his surroundings. He had become like an old owl sleeping with one eye open so as not to miss anything.

That night, as Merlin slipped into half sleep he dreamed of Avalon, something he had not done in ages.

The day had been sunny and clear, summer was just awakening and every where green was appearing. Merlin rowed over to the Island to find Vivianne waiting on the shore.

" Hello, Merlin." She said taking his hands, " I knew you were coming so I waited for you."

"Is something wrong?" Merlin looked in her dark eyes, made darker by the tribal paintings of her station. Vivianne shook her head with a small smile, "Nothing is wrong. Honestly, Merlin you see disaster around every corner. Not all news is bad."

"It's an old habit. You forget, I am Arthur's servant."

She laughed and shook her head. "The young Pendragon is..unique."

"Among other things, now what is it you wanted to tell me?"

Vivianne moved closer to him. " This is a magic time of year, don't you think? New life bursting everywhere you look. New promise."

"Yes..and?"

" Do you remember the night in the forest?"

"You know I do and every night since. What about it?"

Vivianne ran a hand over his face, " Remember I told you we would do great things together?"

Merlin nodded, waiting impatiently. Really she was taking forever.

" Well we have." She took his hand and drew it down to her belly, " I am with child Merlin. Your child..our child."

Merlin gave her the same look a cow does when you talk to it. Confused, uncomprehending and a bit stupid. Vivianne smiled fondly. " Have you nothing to say?"

" What?"

Vivianne laughed, " Well, I was hoping for something more profound. But, I understand. Oh Merlin! You mustn't be upset, this is good news! This child is meant to be I am sure of it."

" I'm a father? I'm a father!" Merlin did smile then, embracing her awkwardly, unsure how to feel. " I am so happy."

"But?"

Merlin sighed, " Vivianne, I can't support a baby . I can't even feed myself half the time and I can't ask Arthur.."

"No! The young pendragon cannot know about us. He is too close to his father, both in distance and in temperament. As to you, Merlin. I hold you to nothing, it was my duty to tell you. I wished to tell you because I love you, not because I expected something in return."

" Of course I'll help you! This is my child, I'll not turn my back on it. I just meant, you deserve more than a servant."

" You short change yourself. You are so much more than a servant. You are the most powerful warlock I have ever met and you are my love. That in it's self makes you my perfect mate."

"I love you, Vivianne and I will love our child as much. That is all I can promise you."

"It is enough." She threw her arms around him and pressed her lips to his, he returned the kiss . He could smell her sandal wood perfume, conjuring up images of Beltane fires and drums. " I love you." He said again. " None shall part us."

" Always."

Merlin spoke the words aloud as he awoke from his trance. He blinked as slowly he returned to the present a heaviness took him. She was gone. Then he turned to where Ninianne lay sleeping peacefully and he smiled. " Gone," he thought "But not forgotten."


	5. Old enemies and new problems

" They nailed my hands to a Rowan tree,they burned my body and they blinded me…he cursed when he saw my smile. The sky went dark and the wind went wild and they left me in this place."…..Kathy Mar "Merlin."

Weeks went by and Ninianne's knowledge increases and with it her worry. Something seemed to be plaguing her mind, gnawing away at her from the inside. Finally Merlin could stay silent no more.

"Is something troubling you Ninianne?"

Ninianne looked up from the book she was studying, her eyes were startled. "No,Merlin. Nothing. Why would you think that?"

" You've been getting more and more agitated as the days go on, I figure either it's me that's having that effect on you or it's something you've brought with you."

Ninianne stuck her nose back in the book, "You're mistaken, I'm fine."

"Ninianne…" said Merlin warningly, " Wizards third rule…."

" Seek only the truth both in the knowing and in the telling. Oh SHUT UP MERLIN!"

She rose throwing the book down and ran out the cave door. Merlin followed and found her leaning against a nearby tree crying. He watched her for a moment then spoke.

"I'm not going to force you to tell me your secret. All I ask is that you are honest with me, tell me it is none of my business, only do not deny the issue entirely."

Ninianne sniffed. " I didn't mean to lie to you. I was afraid you'd turn me away.."

" I would never turn my own flesh and blood away. What have you done, child?"

Ninianne looked at him her eyes red and tear stained. " When I escaped, Eland sent his gaurds after me. He knew who I was…WHAT I was, somehow, he just knew and he was afraid of me. What I might do to him. I killed one of his gaurds when he tried to stop me…it ended up being Eland's most trusted warrior. Now he'll hunt me until the day I die.."

"I see.." Merlin's tone was somber, " Killing is never a good thing, but in your case it was justified. I would not call you a murderer.."

"You're not understanding me! Merlin, by being here I've led my trouble right up to your door! I've known for some time I should leave, but I have not. That's the sin of it!"

Merlin touched her shoulder. "These men, how many are there?"

"Seven now, I don't know how many still hunt me. "

"They should have caught up by now, they might have given up."

"They will never give up, not until I am dead. I made a fool of Eland, no one does that twice."

" Still, they may not know where to seek you."

"They know."

"How can you be so certain?"

Ninianne looked at him, her blues eyes full of remorse. "I dreamed it."

" Perhaps it was just a dream."

"I can only hope so. But if I dream it again…I'll have no choice left but to…"

Merlin took her arm stopping her. " You'll not leave me Ninianne," he said his voice at once tender and stern, " You'll not face this alone. Do you understand?"

"Merlin…"

"Ninianne, please…I know I cannot force you to stay. But, you are no match for those men and the thought of losing you…it's worse than any death imaginable."

Ninianne embraced him. " I am sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"You're not the one to blame, little one." Said Merlin, "They are."

" But if I hadn't come…"

Merlin hushed her, "Arthur said something to me once…about my always looking back and second guessing everything. What was it now? Ah yes! " Merlin," he said to me, " Looking back is good for only one thing…checking on your own arse. Not only is it unnecessary, it's foolish."

Ninianne started to laugh then. " It's hard to believe Arthur was actually a king."

"Even kings are human…and wizards."

Ninianne stared into the darkness. "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing. Trouble will find us on it's own, no sense in going out to find it. But I see now I may have to add more speed to our lessons. You need to learn how to defend yourself."

Ninianne looked at him, "You said every time you kill with magic, something else dies."

"I said defend yourself, not kill someone else. It is not necessary always to kill in order to protect yourself, you need only gain the time you need to escape or accomplish what you need."

"What if it IS necessary to kill?"

"If it is not your intention to begin, killing in self defence is different than killing with intent."

"Either way someone is still dead…" Ninianne put a hand to her temple rubbing it, " Oh Merlin, this is terrible."

" It's not terrible yet, maybe it won't have to get to that point at all. "

Ninianne looked at him with her wise eyes, " I want you to do something for me."

" If it is in my power."

"It is. All I ask is if it comes down to your life or my freedom, let Eland take me."

Merlin fixed her sternly with his cobalt eyes.

" I will not promise you that. "

"Please, Merlin. You must! The thought of you being killed is terrible enough, but knowing I was the cause would be intolerable."

"That is my decision. We each have to decide our own fate."

Ninianne looked at him with tear filled eyes, but she nodded. "All right, but promise me this. Don't do anything stupid?"

Merlin laughed, " Shouldn't I be telling you that?"

" Age has nothing to do with wisdom and love makes fools of us all."

Merlin backed up, for it seemed an older soul had spoken through Ninianne. He had heard those words before, both from Gaius and later from Arthur. He still had not learned his lesson.

"You're wise Ninianne, wiser then I sometimes."

Ninianne smiled taking his hand, " I am my father's daughter."

After Ninianne's confession, Merlin's dreams were troubled. He kept seeing the day of the massacre repeated over and over again in his mind. The lap and crackle of the flames as they claimed their victims, the acrid smell of smoke and burning flesh. The screams of suffering that pierced the clear fall air. Screams of men, women and children that he'd known for years burning into his memory filled his sleep and always he saw her, his Vivianne reaching out from the flames as they consumed her and little Ninianne screaming for her in his arms. There was another image too, a face hovering over him amidst the chaos. He knew the face of the wizard that had led the enemy band against his people, the man was a grinning wraith grinning down at him with his mismatched eyes. One an ice blue and the other a dark black. Always he said the same thing, " Take her Merlin…taker her now if you can." Then he would awake.

He never spoke of his dreams to Ninianne, he knew the child must have her own dreams to contend with and that they must be far worse. How he wished he could find this Eland she spoke of, just as he wished to find the man with the mismatched eyes that had led the attack on Avalon. But, he knew as any wizard would, that vengeance is selfish and a waste of time. Fate would deal with them both, in time.

Merlin never spoke to Ninianne of the day her mother died. He tried to forget it himself as often as he could, but the thing about the truth is eventually it is impossible to hide it. In the end it was Merlin's dreams and not Ninianne's that betrayed him.

"Merlin! I'm here, can't you see me? Merlin, I'm right here!"

Merlin awoke from his half slumber to find Ninianne shaking him by the shoulders as his eyes slowly refocused he shook himself,confused at her actions. " I know you're here, child! Release me! What's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me?" Said Ninianne breathlessly, as she released her hold. " You were screaming my name! Your eyes were wide open and you still couldn't see me!"

Merlin closed his eyes, running a hand over them. He was surprised to find tears on his face. "I was dreaming." He said simply.

"Dreaming?" Ninianne sat back, her face flushed from the excitement. "Your eyes were wide open!"

"Most wizards will sleep with their eyes open, once they've learned how. We find it much safer."

"I thought you'd gone crazy or blind or both. What did you dream?"

Merlin thought back with reluctance. He didn't have to look hard, it was always the same dream. The dark sky, the rain, the fire and the screams. He closed his eyes. The time had come, his mind knew it it was time he did. He spoke softly.

"I was dreaming of the day your mother died."

Ninianne was silent. Merlin spoke with a resigned tone, "Are you sure you want to hear this story? It's no fairy tale."

Ninianne slipped her hand into his. "I am much too old for fairy tales." Merlin returned his eyes to the fire and slowly he began.

" Well, it all started quite ordinarily, really…for me anyway."

( Camelot: 17 years earlier, Uther is dead, Arthur is King. He has been king for about two years.)

" Merlin! Where are you?"

Merlin stood from the cross legged position he'd been in on the floor of his quarters. The smell of white sage and Myrr filled the room with it's heady odor and over in the corner a young tabby cat lay on it's back enjoying the familiar smell. He'd been attempting to meditate…attempting being the operative word. When you're the king's unofficial advisor it is nearly impossible to have a moment's privacy, very hard when you're a closet warlock.

The cat at Arthur's voice sat up and started purring. Merlin got up too, but not so cordially he was busy opening windows and fanning smoke out into the courtyard, while stashing various magical items under a floor board.

"MerLIN!"

Merlin shoved the last of his things under the floor and took a seat beside the cat. "I'm here Arthur!"

Arthur…King Arthur now came striding into the room. He didn't look very much different than the Arthur Merlin had always known. A bit older, a bit huskier and bearing a bit more of a resemblance to his late father but apart from that still the same. The same old stupid pratt.

" Where have you BEEN? I've been looking everywhere for you! I need you to do something for me…"

There was a surprise. Merlin put his head to one side. " Is everything allright, Sire?" he asked

Arthur narrowed his eyes at him, " Did you just call me..Sire? Allright, that's it…Merlin what have you done?"

Merlin had to laugh, he and Arthur had become so informal with each other formality was considered an offense. " Nothing!" Merlin watched in mute horror as four pidgeons fell from the roof behind Arthur's head. Arthur looked behind him, blissfully missing the birds. "What ARE you looking at?"

"Nothing…Arthur, I swear I've been a perfect saint! I thought it was my job to worry about what you're up to. Now what is it?"

Arthur looked at him suspiciously, then spoke. " Were having that tournament tomorrow, you know."

" Really? I hadn't noticed, what with the polishing, the cleaning and the endless advice giving."

"Careful Merlin."

"I always am…Sire."

Arthur sighed, " As I was saying…We're having that tournament tomorrow and I'm expected to compete naturally. It's been a while since I've actually wielded a sword seriously…"

Merlin knew where this was leading, "Oh Arthur, please no…for the sake of our friendship..you know this never ends well."

"Come on, Merlin! We're not boys anymore! You can trust me…I promise it won't hurt!"

Merlin winced, memories of every other time he and Arthur had "Sparred" which usually meant Arthur hitting him over and over again with his sword while he wore a suit of armor two sizes too big so as not to be killed. He spoke. " I always said I'd do anything for you Arthur…BUT, if you break my nose again, I may change my mind."

Arthur laughed, " Come on Merl, it's not like you can't defend yourself now!"

Oh if you only knew. Thought Merlin with a smile. "Fine where's the armor?"

" Armor? We're using wooden swords man! We're not children!"

Merlin groaned and followed him. It was going to be a long afternoon.

" Look Out!"

Merlin ducked just in time to avoid Arthur's sweeping sword. He blocked the blade with his own and for a moment they stared at each other. Merlin's voice was firm, "No feet Arthur!"

" No faking pain, Merlin!"

"Who said I was ever faking?"

There was a rasping noise as their blades parted. Merlin ducked back as Arthur swung at him and gave a little hopping, skipping motion to avoid the back lash.

"Merlin, stop dancing! This isn't a stage play!"

" I'm not bleeding, am I? That's all that matters!"

Arthur struck again and Merlin once again hopped out of the way.

"Strike at me, Merlin! What are you waiting for?!"

"I don't want to hurt you!"

Arthur put down his sword and put up his helmet.

"You shame me Merlin…."

" Well, it wouldn't look good if I wounded the king now would it?"

Arthur leaned on his sword, " Merlin, the sword is WOODEN honestly sometimes you're so stupid!"

"All right, fine then…let's start over. On your count?"

"Allright, on three…One..two.."

WHAM! Clang!

"BLOODY HELL!"

Arthur fell to the ground holding his helmeted head and cursing. Merlin stood over him frantically.

"Arthur? Are you all right? I told you! You shouldn't have let me do it!"

Arthur spoke through gritted teeth, " I..said…on..THREE."

" You said three!"

"No I didn't…and another thing…"

"What?"

Clang!

Merlin felt his head spin as Arthur's sword collided with his helmet. "Never trust your opponent!"

Merlin gave a playful grin, it was on now. Now they might as well have been the boys they were long ago. " You asked for it!" he said.

"Yes, but can you give it?" Arthur lunged at him sword in hand, Merlin parried the thrust and struck out at his side. Arthur dodged and so it went for a time, in the end Arthur pinned Merlin to the ground and put his wooden sword to his neck. "Dead."

"Thank god.." gasped Merlin, " I thought you'd never kill me!"

Arthur laughed helping him up, "Good fight, my friend."

"Thank you, my king."

Arthur laughed, " I'll never get used to being called that, I swear."

"I'll never get used to calling you that either…"

As Merlin said this however the teasing smile fell from his face and it was replaced with a look of horror. Behind Arthur, in the flawless summer sky, a single dark cloud had twisted it's self into the shape of a hand. As Merlin watched it seemed to point in the direction of the Isle. At that same moment, Merlin heard Vivianne's voice, clear as a bell ringing in his head.

"Merlin!" the voice said it's tones pleading, "Merlin..Merlin…"

"MERLIN!"

Merlin came to himself kneeling on the ground, his hands over his ears as Arthur knelt beside him. He shook himself and rose.

"I have to go."

"What? Go where? What just happened?"

" Some thing I couldn't explain if I tried, I don't have time Arthur I'm sorry…I have to go!"

"Merlin, wait let me…MERLIN!"

But Merlin was all ready to the stables, saddling his horse he rode through the city gates out to the road and toward the Isle.

He heard the screams first. They filled the air, ripping it asunder like invisible knives. Men, women, children, all screaming in terror and angony. Merlin reined up his horse and stared in horror at the scene before him. The entire Isle was wreathed in smoke and on the wind was an acrid smell Merlin could not identify. He lept off his horse and ran to the dock leaping into the boat so quickly he almost tipped it. As he approached the Island he could make out on the very top of the tor four stakes. Beneath all was a smoking shambles through which shadowy figures moved. Merlin felt the magic in him grow hot and strong, he would kill whoever had done this. When he reached the shore he knew he could do nothing. Bodies lay everywhere, the earth was black with ash and in places fires still burned. Above him on the tour figures clustered and Merlin could hear jeering and mocking. Then he heard it, Vivianne's voice raised proud and strong above the others.

" A curse on you and all your kin! We have done nothing to be punished so, you may kill me…you may kill my people but you will not break us. Others will live and they will hear of this."

Then a man's voice, a cruel hiss, " Quiet witch…" then in a low, cold voice, "Burn her."

Merlin didn't even remember running up the stairs, it was effortless though there were many. When he reached the top he called out. "No! "

The man turned toward Merlin and he smiled. " MERLIN!" he said opening his arms to him like a friend, " I knew you'd come! For a moment I thought you were going to disappoint me."

"Release her. All of them."

The man laughed, but he held up his hand. " Wait!" Vivianne's eyes fell on Merlin and he met them there was an unspoken message. " What will you do Merlin? Use your magic?"

" You have no idea who you're dealing with or what."

"Don't I? Why don't you show me, BOY."

Merlin raised his hand and uttered a spell, there was a flash, but to Merlin's surprise the other man raised his hand and sent the spell hurtling back at him. Merlin jumped aside. Vivianne cried out, " Merlin, don't!"

The man laughed. " You're not the only wizard out there, Merlin or the strongest. DO IT!"

The guard moved toward the stake torch in his hand. Merlin ran at him but instantly he was hurled to the ground by a spell and when he went to rise he found himself held firmly in place. He watched in horror as the man approached the pyre and spoke.

"Wait…" his voice was weedling calculating, " Maybe I won't…I mean what advantage would it be to me to burn a few measly druids? No use at all really." Merlin stared hoping vainly, then the man looked right at him and his face lost all expression. " except…it's just so much fun. Infernati!"

Instantly the pyre ignited. The only scream however was Merlin's. Bound in his place he watched his friends as they were consumed .

"Vivianne! No! No!" he felt tears of rage fill his eyes and he turned to the man. " I'll kill you! I swear I will! Let me up you coward!"

The man waved his hand. " Go on, kill me. It won't change what's happened."

"Why? What have I ever done to you?" said Merlin rising up, " What have they done to you?"

The man sneered, "They existed, that's enough…they turned me away when all I wanted to do was help them. As for you, you're the only thing standing between me and that king you serve. "

"If you even touch Arthur, I swear."

The wizard laughed, " I wouldn't HAVE to touch him, I wouldn't have to even be in the same room..no I don't want Arthur Pendragon dead. I want him to suffer, just as his father made me and my kind suffer all those years."

"These people WERE you're kind! Arthur has never been anything but tolerant and fair…"

"HE'S YOUNG YET!" The Wizard hissed, " Better to cut the vine off at the bud before it it's strong enough to choke others around it and as to these people…they're no people of mine. They're traitors and cowards. They deserved every bit of this!"

Merlin raised his hand then, a spell on his lips. But an unexpected noise stopped him in his tracks, a voice, a child's voice.

"Mama! Mama!"

To Merlin's horror his daughter, little Ninianne barely four years old at the time sprung from the brush where she'd been hiding and ran towards her mother's burning body. Merlin had the strange sensation then of feeling absolute joy and absolute terror at the same time. He sprung to his feet and ran at the child, dragging her away from the flames. For years he would remember her little nails scratching at him and her piercing little cries as she tried to save her mother who was now beyond saving.

When he wrestled her into his arms he turned her to face him. Her blue eyes were wide and full of tears but when she saw him she quieted. Merlin put a finger to his lips.

The Wizard smiled coldly approaching. Merlin tightened his grip on Ninianne as the man knelt beside the child.

"Well, well, well, who is this? "

The child was quiet, pointedly quiet. There was anger in her little eyes and, Merlin swore, disgust.

" Leave her." Said Merlin, " She's only a child."

"Merlin! You shame me, I would never hurt such a lovely child…come here dear."

He took Ninianne under the chin and turned her toward's him. " You look like your mother, poor girl. There's no mistaking that beauty…pity..if you weren't hers I might have spared you…take her!"

Merlin lept up, dragging Ninianne into his arms. " I won't let you take her!" he raised his hand to utter a spell but a sword hilt hit him in the back of the head. When he regained his sight one of the men was handing a kicking , shrieking Ninianne over to the Wizard.

"Ninianne!" Merlin stood but a motion from the Wizard and he was hurled to the ground his lungs burning and his heart pounding. He could hear Ninianne calling his name, horrified then a particularly shrill cry rent the air. " MOMMY!"

FLASH!

A lightning bolt so vivid it seemed like the hand of the gods themselves flashed to the ground making the gaurds cower. The Wizard seemed to have come to a conclusion. He laughed, " A little witch! Like mother, like daughter…and like daughter like father…" He looked dead at Merlin, "This is your child."

Merlin was silent. The other wizard seemed over joyed however. " Merlin, you know…this might be fates desighn. You see…I always wanted a daughter."

Merlin dragged himself up. " Don't you dare! If you even think of taking her, I'll find you…"

" Oh shut up Merlin!" A few words and Merlin was thrown to the ground, the man stood over him smirking. Behind him Merlin could see Ninianne struggling in the gaurds arms. "Honestly, you youngsters never learn when to admit defeat. As I was saying…I always wanted a daughter, I think I'll have this one. What better weapon then a man's child against him?"

" I'll find you..I won't let you do this."

The world exploded in a burst of white pain as The wizard kicked Merlin across the face with his booted foot. Merlin coughed, choking on blood but still tried to rise. " Ninianne!"

This time the kick was aimed for his chest, he fell back gasping for air. When he looked up again all he could see was the wizard's face.

" I think this discussion is at an end, don't you? I think Arthur will get my message now."

At these words the sky darkened, thunder rumbled and a pelting rain began to fall. Merlin could see the men behind the wizard quaking with fear. But the Wizard only laughed.

"Well where's the lightning? What will you do, drown me? You don't have the strength do you Merlin? Even now you can feel the power leaving you, oozing out of you ..you're not immortal."

"Neither are you."

" I don't have to be, I just have to be stronger then you."

Merlin forced himself upward. " You give me back my daughter!"

" Don't you get it you fool? She's mine now! Arthur's kingdom will be one day too and you tell him that, you tell him this is just the beginning."

"I won't tell him anything!"

The man's face grew blank. " Well…then I'll just have to show him."

The kick in the ribs came so suddenly and fiercely Merlin didn't even feel the pain at first.

"That's for the sins of the father."

Another kick on the other side, " That's for the sins of the son."

"And this…" Merlin saw the Wizard unsheath his sword, "This is just for the fun of it."

As the sword plunged into his side Merlin felt the world parting from him, the last thing he saw was the wizard holding Ninianne standing above him. "Take her now Merlin…go on…take her."

Merlin couldn't move, Niniannes cries were still in his ears when darkness took him. It was the first time he'd ever wished for death.

Later when he awoke, in a sort of waking death he managed to drag himself up right and descend the Tor painstakingly until he reached the boat. Once inside he barely had time to mutter a spell before collapsing once again.

Arthur was a liar. He knew this, he had been taught never to lie from birth. It was the first and most important rule of knight hood and yet he had broken it many times. He did not mean the normal lies of youth, about women or who had injured the king's horse in a hunt. But true lies, moral lies and all about one thing.

Arthur being royalty had a reputation to preserve, it had followed him around since birth like a shadow. Often as a child he imagined his reputation like a pet raven following him around vulnerable and weak and he being its guardian. He hated it, it made him do things he regretted. Like not giving Merlin his due credit, not being able to tell him how grateful he was or how jealous he was of his wisdom. In fact, Merlin's name seemed connected to much of his lying and very little of it had been to his advantage.

So, when Merlin ran off like a possessed horse, leaving him behind without so much as a " Sorry, Arthur." He knew something was wrong…terribly wrong and king or no king he had to help him.

Only a few of his most trusted knights went with him on the search. There was Lancelot of course, his friend and companion in many a battle. Sir Tristram was by his side too, Arthur often depended on his loyalty, kind heartedness and bravery in times of trial. Also, he liked Merlin almost as much as Arthur did in spite of Merlin's initial annoyance with his "hero worshipping". The other knights, Cai and Gawain were also well tried companions. Only the best would go with Arthur on this quest, for something very important was at stake: his friend.

They were still a mile or so from the Isle when Arthur suddenly stiffened in his saddle. He halted every muscle on point like a hound sniffing the air.

"Sire?" Tristram walked up beside Arthur questions in his eyes. Arthur blinked and spoke tensely, " Lance…do you smell that?"

"Yes, Sire." Lancelot's voice was grim.

Arthur nodded, " Stay close."

He spurred his horse into a gallop and sped on toward the Isle. Burning flesh is not a smell one forgets, Tristram was too new to the order to have seen what Lancelot and he had seen, but Lancelot knew same as him that this was very bad.

When they reached the shore of the lake of Avalon the once flawless blue sky became dark as night and rain began to fall heavily. Arthur shivered and it was not just from the cold, he knew an omen when he saw one. He reined up, the others sliding to a stop behind him as he scanned the horizon and took in the image of the smoking isle before him. He drew his cloak over his face coughing at the stench of death that came from the place, the others did the same. Beside him, Lancelot made the sign of the cross and kissed the red cross he always wore around his neck. What Arthur did, was far less reverant.

" Damn the bastards!"

"SIRE!"

"I'm sorry Lance but there's no room for delicacy in war. I just hope Merlin had the sense to get himself to safety."

Arthur's eyes scanned the shore line, but when they reached the dock they widened and Arthur leaned forward as though disbelieving what he saw or hoping he hadn't seen it. Through the mist of rain and smoke he had seen the boat that had once ferried outsiders to the Isle of Avalon . There, barely visible, draped over the bow was a body.

"Merlin?"

Arthur didn't wait for answers, he dismounted and ran across the slippery, muddy ground to where the boat rested. Behind him he heard the other's crying his name , his title anything to get him to stop. He wasn't listening.

As he approached the bow, his pace slowed. He felt his heart beat rise and his mouth grow dry and suddenly to his surprise, he discovered he was terrified. Never, in all his years as a soldier and a king had he ever felt this sort of fear, it awed him.

As he knelt over the bow, he saw the body draped limply over the curve of the prow. He shivered, taking it by the shoulders and lifting it back. A pale face, frozen in a grimace of agony came into view. Arthur's voice was disbelieving.

"Merlin?"

With trembling hands he reached out and touched his fingers to Merlin's clammy neck. A pulse throbbed there, but it was weak and growing weaker. Never the less Arthur breathed a sigh of relief.

"Merlin…Merlin wake up." He shook his friend, wiping the blood from his bruised and beaten face, " Come on you fool, wake up so I can yell at you. Come on, Merlin…come on!" Arthur was struggling to keep his composure. He rubbed his friend's life less arms and shook him as hard as he dared, but still Merlin did not move. Arthur shook his head, " No..you're not dead..I felt your heart beating, you're not dead! Wake up! SOME BODY HELP ME!"

Tristram was the first to arrive, Lancelot fast behind him leading the others. As they came through the fog they all froze in their tracks at what lay before them. Arthur, their king was crying..tears stained his face and he shook with sobs. In his arms was the cause, his servant…but Merlin was so much more than just a servant, never had they realized until today.

Tristram ran forward, though Lancelot tried to stop him.

"My king…" Tristram fell to his knees and touched Merlin's cold face. " Is he dead?"

"No! I wouldn't be shouting for help if he was would I? Listen to me, " Arthur had torn the hem from his cloak and was wrapping Merlin's wound . " Help me get him out of the boat,gently now, he's hurt very badly."

Together they heaved Merlin's limp body onto the dock, where he lay still as before. Tristram put his own cloak under Merlin's head and touched his neck with his fingers. " My lord, I think we may be too late."

" Don't ever tell me it's too late! You wouldn't give up on me would you? Then don't give up on him! Get Lancelot, make a stretcher and bring it here..hurry."

Tristram hurried off, Arthur leaned over Merlin desperate for any sign of life. He spoke again, his voice firm. " Merlin…I know you can hear me. You've survived worse than this, stop playing possum. I know I haven't always appreciated you, but..this is not the way to prove a point!"

The gentle joking soon faded from his voice, "Merlin please, I'm not your lord today, I'm not your king, I'm your friend and I am begging you..yes Merlin, me begging…I am begging you not to leave me. Do you hear me? You cannot leave me. I can't do this on my own, Merlin…I admit it." He whispered low, " You know you're the brains behind this kingdom, you always were."

Arthur paused. Silence. Merlin remained still and now his heart had begun to falter.

Arthur was frantic, he had felt this way only one other time…when Merlin had drunk from a poisoned wine goblet to save his life and he lay dying before him as he did now. As before he could do nothing. But he had to do something.

He took Merlin's face in his hands, " You listen to me, you idiot. You're not getting out of this so easily, I'm not letting you leave me. Merlin? Merlin listen to me…please. I never told you how I felt, how I appreciated all you did , all you've done for me . I'm sorry for that, I won't make the same mistake twice. Merlin, Camelot can fall, the entire round table can crumble to dust and I would recover. But Merlin, if you die I'm lost…I'm nothing. Merlin, I NEED YOU!"

Somewhere deep in his mind, Merlin stirred he heard Arthur's plea for help and it awakened something inside him nothing else could have. A will to live. Slowly, he fought to awaken.

As Arthur put his head in his hands to weep, suddenly he heard a cough followed by a groan. As he watched Merlin stirred, his face twitching as he tried to awake. Arthur went close to him taking his hand.

"That's right Merlin..come on." He whispered, The coughing began again and Arthur lifted Merlin on his arm. At the same moment Merlin's eyes opened and he stared up at Arthur confusedly.

"Arthur?" he asked thickly, " Are you all right?"

For a moment Arthur resembled the boy he had been when he and Merlin first met. "Am I…Am I all right?" He smiled in spite of himself, " I'm fine. Stay still, Lancelot and Tristram will be back soon…"

" You shouldn't be here…"

"I can handle myself, Merlin who did this?"

Merlin's eyes began to close, Arthur snapped his fingers inches from his nose, " Merlin! Merlin, look at me..stay awake. Who did this?"

"They're all dead."

"I know Merlin..I know."

"Vivianne…I couldn't stop them."

Merlin's face contorted in pain, Arthur squeezed his arm.

"Merlin…don't think about it now. Save your strength."

" I'm sorry Arthur…I'm so, so, sorry."

Arthur hushed him gently as he fell back into his swoon. Tristram and Lancelot arrived bearing the stretcher. Carefully Arthur lifted Merlin onto it, back on shore they hitched it to two horses.

"We don't have time to be going this slowly, can he not ride with me?"

" He's hurt too badly sire, he needs to be flat."

Arthur sighed in frustration handing his reins to Lancelot. " Take my horse Lance, I'll walk by him."

Lancelot nodded grimly.

Arthur walked along beside Merlin for much of the trip, when they could see Camelot in the distance Merlin suddenly stirred again. Arthur turned to him and he looked at him with glazed eyes.

" Why aren't you on a horse?"

"I need the exercise, besides…I'd much rather be down here with you then with those two numbskulls."

Arthur smiled and Merlin returned it as best he could. " I'm so sorry Arthur."

"So you said. There's nothing to be sorry about, you didn't do this."

"That's not what I'm sorry about…"

Arthur looked at him out of the side of his eye. "Then what are you sorry about?"

" I'm sorry…" Merlin paused for a moment to catch his breath, "I'm sorry I messed things up."

"What do you mean?"

" I'm sorry… I can't protect you anymore."

Arthur forced a smile, " What are you talking about?"

Merlin reached up and took his arm, "I think you know."

Arthur turned to him, his blue eyes looking more frightened then Merlin could remember ever seeing them. " Merlin, you're not going anywhere..unless you're giving up on me?"

" Never…but…I'm not sure how long I can still be with you."

"Stop!" Arthur's command was not a shout but it was firm, " Stop being like that. It's not like you. You don't give up Merlin, don't start now."

There was silence then, it was Arthur that broke it. " I'm sorry too."

" Arthur, don't."

"Oh what you're the only one that can confess? I've been unfair to you Merlin and I'm sorry. You deserve more, much more and I'll make sure you get it."

"Arthur, I don't want anything from you…just..just be my friend."

Arthur turned his eyes away hurriedly, " Well..you've always had that…Even though I never showed it."

There was another silence for a time, when Merlin looked toward Arthur he discovered he was crying.

"Arthur, stop…" Merlin started to cough again and Arthur lifted him quickly so he wouldn't choke. " Easy Merl," he whispered shakily, " We're almost there."

" It will be all right Arthur…"

" Yes, you'll be fine."

" I never said anything about me…I said things…things will be all right."

Arthur couldn't speak , in silence they moved on. Suddenly Arthur turned. "All right Merlin?"

There was no response, Merlin lay still his eyes closed. Arthur spoke his name sharply and Merlin's eyes fluttered open.

" Stay awake."

" I can't…"

" Of course you can…not like you're listening to one of my speeches."

Merlin did not laugh, this terrified Arthur. He turned Merlin's face to look at his.

"Merlin, you can do this. Look at me.."

Merlin did his eyes had a glazed quality to them, " I'm sorry Arthur.."

Arthur held up his hand, " DON'T..Don't …be sorry..just, talk to me."

Merlin's eyes fluttered, and Arthur snapped his fingers at him. " Merlin, for once, do as you're told! Come on…rules of knight hood…you know this one."

" Arthur…"

"A knight is sworn to valor…go on."

Merlin closed his eyes a moment then forced himself to speak. " A knight is sworn to valor..his word's speak only truth…his..his."

"His actions only virtue…go ON, Merlin."

" His blade defends the helpless, his might upholds the week…his wrath undoes the wicked."

Arthur put a hand to his shoulder, "Good, now again."

"A knight is sworn to valor…"

So the oath was repeated over and over again until they were at the very gate of the castle. Then Arthur heard Merlin falter.

" A knight…a knight is sworn to valor…his words speak only truth…his actions…his actions only …his actions only.."

Then there was silence. As they halted, Arthur grabbed Merlin and shook him. " Virtue…virtue Merlin! Say it…open your eyes !"

Lancelot was at his side, " My Lord?"

Arthur was lifting Merlin into his arms, " Find the court Physician, tell him what's happened…"

" Should we take Merlin to his quarters."

Arthur rose, Merlin over his shoulder. " No..I will. Go, now…hurry."

As they hurried off, Merlin stirred on Arthur's shoulder. "His..His might up holds the weak."

Arthur closed his eyes in thanks, " It's all right Merlin..I have you..you can rest now."

Merlin went silent and Arthur hurried into the castle. From a balcony window, a woman watched her dark skinned face pale at what she saw.

Behind her a maid servant spoke, " My Lady? What is it?"

" They've found Merlin and I've told you to call me by my name."

"Yes, my queen….yes, Gwenivere."


	6. Past and present

Merlin's voice trailed away, his blue marble eyes staring glassily at the fire as though trying to see through the veil of the past for one moment longer. "And so it was. Just like that, I tried to save the two people I cared the most for in this world and I failed them both."

There was a silence then. The fire crackled plaintively and the old tabby cat rose from his bed by the hearth purring and rubbing on Merlin's leg.

Ninianne spoke after a time, trying to change the subject.

"How was Arthur while you were recovering? He must have been like a bull in a china shop."

Merlin gave a wisp of a smile, " I think it was more like a cow on a frozen pond."

Ninianne laughed and Merlin sighed, " No, Arthur is smarter then I give him credit for. He..adapted , looking back I'd never been so proud of him. I saw for the first time, exactly what sort of a king he could be. Of course that was later in the process."

Merlin cleared his throat, " Arthur did not take things well, if it weren't for Gwenivere I think he would have torn the country apart looking for the one that hurt me. Merlin sighed again and lifted the old tom cat into his lap.

Ninianne's eyes were shining with excitement. "You knew Queen Gwenivere too?"

Merlin nodded slowly, " I knew Gwen before she was royalty. She used to be Lady Morganna's maid servant."

"No! But how..?"

Merlin shifted his eyes. "Let's just say, just because one forbids magic does not mean it is gone."

Ninianne looked scandalized, "You put a spell on king Uther?"

"No,No. Of course not! I may be old, but I'm not a fool. No Gwenivere did that on her own, I simply twisted the facts a little so it would appear Gwen was of noble birth. To those that didn't know better anyway."

"What happened to wizard's third rule? Truth."

" Well, everyone's guilty of bending the rules from time to time. Especially when the rules you're bending are ridiculous."

Ninianne looked down. "She must have taken it badly when you were hurt as well."

"Indeed." Said Merlin, "I'm afraid I frightened them both, badly. I regret that , but I was in no position to help it." He closed his eyes then, " I see I am not yet at the end of my story. Shall I go on?"

Ninianne Nodded silently. " Very well," said Merlin, " All I ask is that you try not to hold it against me."

Camelot 20 years ago:

"My Lady! My Lady!"

On the steps to King Arthur's castle a strange scene was playing out. Four armed guards were chasing Queen Gwenivere who was quite literally making a royal spectacle of herself as she ran down the main stair way to the court yard where Arthur sat looking dazed. Several of his knights were speaking to him but he seemed to hardly notice them, his eyes were far away. He did not even seem to notice that his hands and armor were covered with blood. He looked up as Gwenivere ran to his side.

"Arthur!"

"Calm yourself, Gwen. It isn't my blood."

Arthur's voice seemed weary. Gwen felt a lump form in her throat.

"Merlin?"

Arthur nodded, running a hand over his eyes and face.

"How badly is he hurt?"

Arthur stood taking her hands, "You needn't concern yourself with this Gwen."

" Do not even begin to think you can play the helpless woman card with me Arthur."

Arthur smiled in spite of himself, " I'm sorry." He took her hands in his, "It's very bad,Gwen. He was beaten badly and someone took a sword to his side."

"Bastards!"

"Gwenivere!" Arthur looked around hastily, then in a whisper added, " I agree with you completely, but not here."

Gwenivere was struggling to hide her emotion. The pain she felt both for her husband and for Merlin threatened to tear her in two. But somehow her eyes remained dry.

"Will he be all right?"

Arthur was silent, he looked away from her blinking his eyes. Gwenivere forced herself to smile.

" Of course he'll be all right! What am I saying? This is Merlin were talking about here! Nothing keeps him down long! He'll be fine..won't he Arthur?"

Arthur turned slowly to look at her and she could see a glaze of tears in his eyes.

"Arthur?"

" We don't know."

It was too much for Gwenivere then and she closed her eyes, tears flowing down her cheeks as she tried to regain power over her emotions. She felt Arthur draw her to him, the feeling of his large, strong hands in her own made the pain in her heart ease somewhat. She heard his voice take on that special, gentle tone he used only with her. "Gwen, sweet heart, I promise you we are doing all we can ." she felt his hands trembling with repressed emotion as he spoke, " I'm so sorry …" She heard his voice catch and she opened her eyes to find Arthur standing with eyes closed, his body racked by silent sobs. She released his hands and embraced him, drawing him to her as he wept. They stood in silence for a moment, then Arthur spoke again.

" I never realized how much I need him, Gwen. Not until I saw him lying there. For one moment I thought to myself, " Please, God, let it be me instead. Let it be one of my knights, let it be anyone…just not Merlin."

Gwenivere kissed the top of his head, "There is nothing any of us could have done to stop this. You mustn't blame yourself."

Arthur pulled away, wiping a hand over his face. " We shouldn't be doing this here. People are watching."

"Then let them see." Gwenivere turned Arthur's face to her own, " Just because you're king doesn't mean you're not human. To admit to being weak, that is the ultimate strength."

Arthur shook his head, " It's beyond frustrating, this..waiting. I'm used to doing not standing still while others do it for me. If only there was something I could do! I can't just sit here while Merlin's up there…"

He trailed off. "That's it, isn't it?" said Gwenivere gently. "He needs you now, just like when you were boys. He needs you and you can do nothing to help him."

Arthur looked at her, then suddenly his eyes grew hard. " Just see if I can't. I'm the king, that's what I'm supposed to do make things right. There has to be a way…"

"Arthur, you cannot fix this. "

"I can't just sit here and do nothing, either."

Gwenivere took his hand in hers gently, " Then don't. Go to him, let him know you're with him. Be his friend just as you've always been."

Arthur set his mouth, he kissed Gwenivere's hands and then began to walk up the stairs. Gwenivere watched him go with a heavy heart, then slowly followed him inside.

" Arthur…sire..if you'd just listen to me…"

" I admire your concern Lancelot, but do you honestly think I can rest now?"

Lancelot walked beside Arthur as they came to the physicians quarters.

"Forgive me, my lord, but you can be no help to him hysterical!"

Arthur turned on him, "Hysterical? Is this what you call hysterical? You haven't seen a thing yet my friend."

" Arthur…you cannot…"

Arthur pointed a finger at Lancelot. " Lance, if you or anyone else says I cannot do something one more time heads will roll!"

Arthur's hand was on the handle of the door when a voice spoke up off to his right.

"Sire, you cannot go in there!"

Arthur turned quickly his hand on his sword but Lancelot wisely held him back. Arthur took a deep breath and spoke with the tone of a snake about to strike.

"Cassius, I am the king..I wish to see my friend..I will see him, excuse me."

Cassius stood in front of the door. " Ewain said he wasn't to be disturbed." Arthur moved forward until he was standing toe to toe with the small man. " Cassius, I am asking you one more time to get out of my way."

" Yes, sire…after all…wouldn't want 'heads to roll'. You sound more like your father every day."

Lancelot drew his sword but Arthur held up his hand, " Don't bother, Lance…if I had a penny for every insult Cassius has thrown my way the castle would sink. It's how he amuses himself."

Arthur brushed past Cassius, but as he did he heard him sneer. " All this fuss for a servant, let him die and find another I say. Waste of time."

Arthur didn't bother waiting to draw his sword he turned around and took the man by the throat with one hand. "What did you just say, you little toad? I'll have you know, Merlin has saved my life more than any of my knights. If I ever hear you talking like that again you'll be in the dungeon like the rat you are!"

He dropped Cassius who stumbled bowing. " Yes, my lord. Forgive me my lord." Lance stood amazed. " Arthur…"

" Sometimes, being gentle and fair doesn't work. Then a good swift kick in the arse can sometimes clear things up."

Lancelot smiled, stepping back as Arthur entered the physician's quarters.

The new court Physician, Ewain, was young, barely more than twenty. His baby face and immense blue eyes made him the desire of many of the court women. Most importantly however, Ewain was loyal, trustworthy and devoted both to his king and to his patients. Arthur had often thought Ewain would have made a fine Knight. But in his heart he knew Ewain was meant for healing wounds, not causing them. There were rumors of course that Ewain was once a druid. Arthur did not know the truth of these allegations nor did he care. He would trust Ewain with his life and more importantly with the lives of those he loved most.

As Arthur entered, he saw Ewain placing a poultice on the bruise on Merlin's forehead. The look on Ewain's face said more than he ever would about Merlin's condition. Arthur cleared his throat and Ewain looked up from where he stood at Merlin's side and bowed.

"Sire."

"Hello, Ewain. Sorry to startle you, how is he?"

Ewain touched Merlin's brow gently, hushing him gently as he murmured in protest. He walked to Arthur's side.

"I wish I had better news my lord."

" Better bad news then happy lies. Tell me."

Ewain's voice lowered as he spoke, " The injuries from the beating are grave, but in addition to the wounds it seems he's in some sort of nervous shock."

"I have no doubt, he just saw his family executed."

"God in Heaven!"

"You're talking to the wrong person."

Arthur passed Ewain and stood beside Merlin. Leaning close he spoke to him.

"Merlin? Merlin, it's Arthur, open your eyes."

There was no response, Arthur spoke again. " Merlin, can you hear me?"

Arthur felt Ewain's hand tentatively on his shoulder. " My lord…"

"Why won't he answer me?"

"He cannot hear you, Sire. He is in a very deep sleep."

"When will he wake up?"

Ewain was silent, he looked away for a moment. Arthur turned to him. "Ewain?"

" It is hard to say, my lord. It could be days, or weeks…"

Arthur closed his eyes, he felt the room swaying. "Or not at all."

Ewain nodded, "Or not at all. I am sorry, Sire."

Arthur felt his knees buckle and he sunk into a chair. Ewain was beside him in a moment. " Sire, You're exhausted…you should go to your chambers and rest."

" I don't want to rest! I want to know who did this, so I can KILL them!"

Ewain's eyes were wide and his tongue still, after all how does one respond to a statement like that? Arthur looked at him and sighed.

" Forgive me, Ewain. None of this is your fault. I will take your advice, but first…leave me."

"Sire…"

" Please,Ewain."

Ewain nodded and exited leaving Arthur alone with Merlin in the room. Arthur went to Merlin's side and knelt there taking his hand. Merlin winced in his sleep, twitching. His lips moved soundlessly and rapidly.

"What are you thinking in that head of yours?" asked Arthur, attempting to keep his tone light, "It can't be good, I know that much."

Silence.

Arthur closed his eyes for a moment gathering himself, then spoke again.

"I never thought I'd say this. But, I miss your voice Merlin. I am so sorry I wasn't there to protect you, I should have been. I'm supposed to be the defender of Camelot and I can't even defend my friend…my BEST friend."

Arthur stopped running a hand over his face. His voice was hoarse when he spoke again, " It will be all right, Merl. I promise you, you'll get through this. That's the word of the king, you know. It can't be disputed."

Arthur smiled, but it faded quickly. Merlin tossed on in his internal terror, far beyond the reach of Arthur's help or anybody's. Arthur squeezed his friend's moist hand. "Hold on Merlin." He said, "You always were the stronger one, you know."

As he turned to leave, Arthur suddenly heard a voice speak his name. " Arthur.." he turned the voice had been little more than a breath, but it was unmistakably a voice. To his surprise he saw Merlin's lips move. "Arthur…"

Arthur very nearly tripped over his own cloak in his hurry to get to his friend. As he knelt Merlin, showing unusual strength grasped his arm tightly. Arthur put his hand over his friend's comfortingly. " I'm here Merlin, it's all right…I'm right here."

Merlin said nothing for a moment his chest heaving as he breathed, his face grimaced as though speaking its self took a supreme effort. Arthur hushed him, "Don't talk."

"No. Listen. Listen to me." Arthur felt the tears stinging his eyes.

"I am, Merlin. Go on, I'm listening."

Merlin's voice was shaky, as though every word cost him strength. It broke Arthur's heart to hear it.

" Thank you."

" Don't tell me you're wasting your energy to say that..Merlin you know I'd never,"

Merlin cut him off, " I know…listen…Arthur, you need to know …you need to know you don't need me."

Arthur felt his heart speed up, " Oh yes I do, Merlin. We both know that, so don't be stupid."

" Arthur…you're going to be a great king…a good king, better than your father. You've all ready come so far."

"Because of you!"

" No…Arthur, everything you need is inside you…it's always been there. I just helped you find it."

Arthur was crying freely now, " All right…that might be true. But still, Merlin I need you. You're the only one around here that understands me."

Merlin was silent. Arthur spoke through tears. " Please don't leave me."

Merlin's voice came in a quiet whisper, " Don't you know? You pratt, I'll never leave you..no matter what. You're stuck with me."

With that Merlin's hand relaxed against Arthur's arm and he fell back into his sleep. Arthur sighed, "Rest,Merlin." But as he went to rise, a thought suddenly struck him. His eyes rested on the family ring that bore the royal seal he had worn since his father's death. He slipped it from his finger and onto Merlin's.  
" This is all I can do, Merlin. I wish I could stay here the entire time…but I do have a kingdom to run. So, take care of this for me will you? Then I'll be with you too, sort of." Arthur sniffed ,rising quickly. " Who knew it Merl? I can be an even bigger girl than you. I'll be back later." Arthur stood and taking a moment to gather himself, he walked out the door. Ewain and Lancelot turned baleful eyes at him. Arthur held his head high, "What are you looking at?"

"My lord, are you…crying?"

"Don't you breathe a word of this to anyone, Lance or you'll be mucking out my horses, I don't care how many battles we've been through together and Ewain…"

Arthur paused his eyes meeting Ewain's baleful blue eyes that reminded him so much of Merlin's, he felt his voice catch and he cleared his throat. "Take care of him Ewain. Don't…don't let him give up."

Ewain seemed to understand, he nodded and went back behind the door. Arthur turned with Lancelot and together they walked slowly away.

There was a pause then, Ninianne looked up expectantly. "Why did you stop?" Merlin straightened from over the fire he'd been stoking and stretched his achy bones , "I was cold." He said matter-of-factly, "It won't do either of us any good if at the end of this story my joints are frozen into place, now will it?" Ninianne ran a hand through her hair with an impatient sigh. Merlin smiled, " Oh come on, It's not like you don't know the end of the story. Here I am, here you are and that about eliminates the mystery. But, I digress…"

"Wait…" said Ninianne, " Ewain told Arthur you couldn't hear anything in your sleep…how is it that you know all this then?"

Merlin grinned in that satisfied cat type way. "Ewain, druid though he might have been, did not count on the fact of me being a wizard. In addition to strange sleeping habits, Wizards also go into trances. Sometimes even against our will. When the pain of injury or the emotion of a situation is too great we sometimes go into very deep sleeps. It is a way our bodies preserve themselves, give our powers and bodies time to heal and recharge."

"So, there was no real danger then?"

" Of course there was! Wizards aren't immune to natural law. My injuries both mental and physical drew from my power and but for the grace of the gods it was entirely possible they would have overwhelmed me. In the case of my emotions..they very nearly did."

" So you DID give up?"

Merlin frowned, " Are you telling my story now? That would be some feat, patience child. Listen, you might learn something."

"I already have."

"Hush."

Merlin continued.

A week passed with very little change in Merlin's condition. If anything it seemed worse, an infection had set in and despite Ewain's best efforts Merlin remained in his semi conscious state. One moment he was delirious, tossing and moaning in his sleep. Sometimes he spoke names neither Ewain or Arthur understood, other times he almost seemed to be speaking his own language muttering in some unknown tongue. These were the easy times for Arthur, it was the other times that terrified him. The long times when Merlin lay still as death. When he slept so deeply Ewain sometimes could not make out his heart beat or breathing until Arthur entered the room and spoke. Merlin always rallied for Arthur, it often left Ewain amazed. To Arthur it made perfect sense.

One night, on the seventh day since Merlin had been found, Gwenivere awoke to find Arthur was no longer beside her. Rising quickly she made her way to the main level of the castle. A flickering light from the small chapel in one of the wings caught her eye.

The candles in the chapel were always lit. Day and night they stood guard over their prayers for the living, the dead and those between the two. It was not the light, but the stream of murmuring that came from within. As she crept to the doorway she could hear Arthur's voice praying in a whisper.

As she looked, she saw him kneeling on the alter before the cross. His red Army cloak was wrapped ridiculously over his bed clothes to keep out the cold and his hands were clasped harder then around any sword handle. Suddenly the prayers halted with a frustrated sigh.

" All right, please..Please God! It seems all I've been doing is praying these ridiculous prayers and he just keeps slipping further and further away. So here it is, plain and simple. I am asking you, no, I am begging you please don't take Merlin from me. Not yet. You sent him to me, I realize that now and I won't take that for granted again. I promise you. If you're angry over something I've done, punish me. Not Merlin. He's done nothing "

A silence fell, when Arthur spoke again his tone was softer. " Look, I know it's all part of your plan, but sometimes…sometimes I just don't understand it. Forgive me, Amen."

Gwenivere stood for a moment, regaining her own composure. When she spoke again her voice was even.

"Arthur?"

Arthur startled and turned. "Gwen?"

She moved towards him, the fur of her wrap blowing in the breezy chamber. " I woke up and you weren't there. I was worried."

Arthur sighed casting his eyes back to the cross and the bright mosaic of candles that surrounded it.

"I'm sorry, Gwen. I haven't been able to sleep these past few nights, so I come here. Every night, I come and every night I pray and every morning I wake up and things are just the same. Gwen, I swear if I light one more candle this entire castle is going to go up in flames."

Gwenivere smothered her laughter, but Arthur gave a rather moist sound of merriment himself. "Oh Gwen, I am losing my MIND! Four days without him and I feel like I'm missing one of my limbs…I know how stupid it must sound."

Gwenivere took his hand, " Merlin and you always shared a bond, I knew that from the moment I saw him stand in the path of that dagger to protect you. I miss him too, Arthur…but we have to keep faith."

"That's what I've been doing! It hasn't done any good so far!"

"God works in his own time."

" Well, so does death…I'm sorry, Gwenivere I wish I could be as pure hearted as you but it's hard."

Gwenivere was silent, she put an arm around her husband kneeling beside him. He touched her arm, not looking at her. "Go back to bed, Gwen..you'll catch your death."

" I'm not as fragile as all that, I can't sleep without you anyway." She leaned into him, " Arthur, for what it's worth. Merlin couldn't have had a better friend and he still can't."

Arthur leaned forward onto his hands as though praying, but Gwenivere soon saw that he was sobbing silently. She took him in her arms and he tried unsuccessfully to push her away from him, finally he fell into her arms shaking with sobs. Gwenivere kissed his head silently. After a time Arthur spoke again.

"Here I am again, crying and you're keeping me strong. Some man I am."

"Arthur, even great men have their limits. That's what great women are for."

Arthur spoke in a broken voice. "I should be stronger than this, Merlin said…"

"Merlin said?"

" He woke up for a time when we first brought him back from the Isle. It was barely a few minutes but..he told me. He said I was going to be a great King, greater than my father."

"Merlin was always very wise." Gwenivere smiled, she turned Arthur's face to look at her own.

"What am I going to do Gwen?"

Gwen smiled sweetly, " Maybe you should stop praying so much and start believing more."

" I'll try." Said Arthur, " For Merlin's sake, I'll try."

" I'll help you." Said Gwenivere and hand in hand they knelt at the altar and waited for what they did not know.


	7. Alpha and Omega

Ninianne lept as the tom cat on Merlin's lap suddenly let out a yowl and streaked out the cave door, outside there was a flurry of wings and a screeching. Merlin turned his eyes and shouted after it, " Hey! Hey! You leave that owl alone you fool of a cat! That old bird's been here longer then both of us and he'll scratch your eyes out to prove it!" he looked to Ninianne, "Now where was I?" But Ninianne stopped him.

"Were you ever afraid? You must have known something while you were recovering."

" At my worst, I felt nothing. But as I healed, there was a lot of pain and frustration. There is only one time I remember being truly afraid. But I was getting to that before the great hunter interrupted us." Ninianne settled down and Merlin began his tale again.

When a week had gone by, Arthur could no longer stand being idle. He rallied his best knights and prepared to ride out after the man that had harmed his friend. Gwenivere had other plans however.

"Arthur!"

Arthur knew when he heard that voice coming across the court yard that he was in trouble. He put down his helmet and sagged. "Lance, will you and Gawain get the knights in formation. We'll be riding out soon."

Gwenivere took his arm. "Riding out? To do what? Arthur, if you're serious about going after this man you should wait…"

" Wait? Wait for what? Wait for him to come to the gate of Camelot its self? Gwen, I'm done waiting."

" Don't be hasty Arthur, it was your father's down fall. You must think before you act!"

Arthur closed his eyes in frustration, " You sound like Merlin..second guessing me."

"Lord knows someone has to! Arthur, you don't even know this man's name! What will you do? Search by intuition?"

Arthur paused, he had not thought of that. He had simply assumed such a man would brag of his deeds or perhaps someone had seen him. It had not occurred to him this man might be smart…to defeat Merlin so soundly he would have had to be. Merlin might not have been strong, but he was smart and had a knack for getting out of trouble fast. He turned to Gwen. "Maybe you're right."

Gwenivere made a mistake then. She spoke her mind before evaluating the content.

"Besides, to do what he did to Merlin he had to have been a powerful Wizard."

" What?"

Arthur's brow crinkled, " What makes you think we're dealing with sorcery? Merlin, God love him is many things. But physically strong is not one of them, any one of decent build could have done this."

Gwenivere bit her lip. She had long ago guessed at Merlin's secret but had vowed to herself never to speak of it to anyone. She thought quickly. " I..I only was guessing that something very strong must have prevented Merlin from defending himself. It's not like Merlin just to lie down and take a beating..he's smart, he's quick, someone must have done something."

Arthur's face was hard. " You're right Gwen, I never would have thought it." He sighed, " This makes it twice as difficult. A violent man may be strong, but a wizard is crafty and put the two together." His face went blank, then he seemed to shake himself. " But that's ridiculous, there are other ways to disable a man then magic. Gwen, I understand your worries but this isn't my first quest. Gwenivere bowed her head, " If I can't stop you, then promise me this. Be careful?" Arthur took her hand and put it to his lips. " Always." Then he turned his horse, but Gwenivere spoke his name and he halted.

" His eyes…look to his eyes. The man you seek has mismatched eyes, one blue the other brown. Merlin spoke of it in his sleep, Ewain told me."

Arthur nodded, "Thank you, Gwen." Then he rode off.

That evening, Gwenivere took watch for Ewain who was exhausted from his constant vigil. By the glow of the small fire she watched Merlin anxiously, alert for any sign of his waking . There were none. At one point Merlin was shivering so violently Gwenivere wrapped her fur wrap around him to comfort him. She smoothed his hair with her hand and smiled sadly. "Just like old times, isn't it Merlin. You're still getting into trouble after all these years." Merlin lay silent, Gwenivere continued. " I wish there was something I could do..some words I can say…I wish, I wish I was a wizard. A wizard..like you." She paused, then she leant close. " I know your secret, I've known it for a while and it's safe with me. But, I'm asking you Merlin..I'm asking you to use whatever power is inside you and come back to us. Please." When there was no change Gwenivere returned to her seat sadly.

Sometime later, Ewain returned. Gwenivere turned to him and he spoke. " Is it true Arthur has gone out to look for Merlin's attacker?"

Gwenivere nodded, " I'm afraid so, he would not listen to me." Ewain looked grave, he went over to Merlin and changed the compress on his head. " Arthur listens to no one." He looked at Merlin then and sighed, " Well, none but one." He turned away but suddenly Merlin gave a gasp and weakly he spoke. " Arthur…"

Ewain and Gwenivere nearly collided going to his side. Gwenivere reached him first. "Merlin, can you hear me?"

Merlin's eyes opened and he stared glassily at them, still half in his fever. "Where is Arthur?"

Gwenivere looked to Ewain and he spoke. " Lie still Merlin, you're still very ill."

" Answer me, where is Arthur?" he turned to Gwenivere, " Gwen..please."

Gwenivere hushed him gently, " Arthur's safe, Merlin. You'll see him soon."

"Don't lie to me." Merlin's voice was hard as he pulled himself up right. "He's gone after him hasn't he, the man that attacked me."

Ewain spoke quietly, " Merlin, you must calm down. It's dangerous for you to.."

"Has he gone after him?"

Gwenivere nodded solemnly. Merlin's breathing became rapid and he struggled to rise from the bed. Ewain held him back gently, but he struggled on. " No..I have to go after him…" Gwenivere took his hands in her own. "Merlin, listen to me…you can't go after him, not this time. You're too ill."

" No, I have to go..you don't understand..I have to..he.."

Merlin fell back into Ewain's arms and he gently layed him back, but Merlin continued to struggle despite Gwenivere and Ewains efforts to keep him quiet. " Let me go.." he said pitifully, " Gwenivere..please..tell him…he doesn't understand."

"Be still." Said Gwenivere gently.

"No..Arthur…Arthur!"

Merlin writhed in the grasp of his friends, calling Arthur's name over and over again. Suddenly the light of the room was blotted out as Ewain swept the wide curtain that separated the bed from the rest of the room closed. The effect produced a cocoon of dusky light and muffled sound that made those within go still. Even Merlin in his delirium stopped struggling, though he still thrashed weakly whispering Arthur's name. Ewain approached Merlin slowly and quietly until his hand cupped his forehead. Gwenivere watched as he whispered words she did not understand, yet she recognized that they were of the same language Merlin had spoken in his sleep. The language of magic..spells. "Ewain?" she whispered, but Ewain held up his hand to silence her. Gently, still murmuring, Ewain took a rag from the basin and covered Merlin's eyes with it. Slowly, Merlin's cries faded and his breathing became regular as he slipped into sleep. Ewain exhaled raising his eyes to heaven and sunk back into a chair.

Gwenivere was watching him in awe, slowly she approached him. "Ewain?" she said quietly. Ewain looked at her, his eyes weary and contrite. " What did you just do?" Ewain's eyes were searching, "What is it that you think I have done?"

Gwenivere crinkled her brow, " Was that magic?" Ewain closed his eyes. " I could say no right now, say it was a trick I'd learned while I was a boy with my father's falcons. That would be mostly true." He paused then turning his too old eyes on her. "But, you see. I promised never to lie to anyone here. Yes, my lady, that was magic and yes, I am a wizard and yes, I know what that means. But no, no I am not sorry." There was a pride in his eyes, one she'd often seen in Merlin's and Gaius's as though he shared a secret others could only guess at. At times she envied it. She lowered her eyes and nodded.

"You know you can never speak of this to anyone else."

Ewain stood walking to the window and staring out at the court. "I'm not a fool…my lady." Gwenivere walked to him and put a hand on his arm. " You can trust me Ewain…you're not the only one."

Ewain looked at her in surprise. "You know about Merlin, then?" Gwenivere nodded. "I've known for quite some time. Ewain, you must believe me I would never betray you or Merlin."

Ewain turned to her and nodded. "I believe you, do you still believe the same of me?" Gwenivere nodded, "Ewain, nothing could change what I think of you. As I told Merlin once, my trust isn't based on what you are or who you are it is based on what you do." Ewain bowed to her taking her hand and touching it to his lips. " You are a just Queen, My lady. I only hope one day your husband will embrace your beliefs." Gwenivere said nothing, only motioned for him to rise awkwardly.

" What I did has only made him more comfortable. Very powerful wizards can sometimes heal, but it takes more energy than it's worth. So I wouldn't be so quick to thank me. " Ewain was pacing, his youth was showing in his frustration. If it had not been so pitiful it might have been endearing. He gestured helplessly to nothing in particular, " I..I just wish I knew more..could do more. I feel so useless."

Gwenivere heard Merlin's voice in her head so many years ago saying the same thing. She couldn't help but smile, "You shouldn't punish yourself so. You're doing all you can."

"It isn't enough. Wizard's sixth rule " If you think you've done all you can…learn something new. But I can't..I just can't."

"You sound like, Merlin now." Said Gwenivere Ewain turned to her his eyes unfaltering.

"Who do you think taught me?"

Wizards seventh rule: "Keep your friends close, your enemies closer."

It was distance in the end that caused the ensuing tragedy. True it was the wizard himself that cast the spell, it was his hand that sent the darkness across the miles to where Merlin lay. But had Merlin been able to defeat him, if Arthur had rode out sooner perhaps it all could have been prevented. But no one even thought of sorcery until it was nearly too late.

Poor Ewain, he seemed to have been born under an unlucky star. Whenever he turned his back for just a moment tragedy occurred . So it was this time.

Ewain had gone for water and left Gwenivere with Merlin and the gaurds. Tristram approached her at one point.

" You should rest my lady. Ewain can tend to Merlin, it is what he is here for."

Gwenivere turned her eyes to Tristram, " Tell me Tristram, if Arthur were here in Merlin's place. Would you leave him?" Tristram retired contritely, there was no need for a response. Gareth, who stood leaning on a wall looking bored to tears, spoke then. " My Lady, with all due respect, Arthur is the king. It would be different with him. Merlin is just a.."

Tristram lept in then, his eyes more angry then Gwenivere ever remembered them being before. " Just a what Gareth? A nobody, a servant? Are you as blind as you are stupid? Don't you see what Merlin means to Arthur? To all of us? If not I suggest you get your arrogant head out of your arm pit and LOOK!"

Gareth stood his mouth open like a frogs, rendered speechless by Tristram's tirade. Gwenivere had to repress the urge to laugh, it sounded so funny to hear all that coming from shy Tristram she rose instead. "Will you hush? He can hear you you know. You're supposed to be equals and you're at each other's throats! Arthur wouldn't allow it and neither will I!"

"That's right," Arthur's voice came from the door making everyone jump, " If I can't trust two of my best knights to keep order, who can I trust?"

Gwenivere went to Arthur's side, he seemed weary and if one looked closely you could see him trembling. Gwenivere took his hand and he held it tightly, something wet and thicker then sweat trickled across her hand. She looked at him in concern, but he only gave a ghost of a smile and squeezed her hand all the tighter.

"My Lord," said Gareth still reeling from Tristram's Tirade, "We did not expect you back so soon."

"I did not expect to be back so soon." Said Arthur grimly, then in a pointed tone. " Oh and Gareth, my friend. I'm glad to see you've managed to remove your head from your armpit." Gareth squirmed. Tristram, over by Merlin's bed looked like he wanted to die. Gareth hurriedly moved on.

"What news my lord? Did you find who you were looking for?"

"No. He found us. We will talk later."

Gareth nodded, both he and Tristram looked worried. With Arthur, "We will talk later" were the words of doom. Arthur took his hand reluctantly from Gwenivere's and walked to Merlin's bed. He put his broad palm over Merlin's forehead and crinkled his brow. " Still no change?" Gwenivere walked to his side. " He woke up again. He was asking for you, But now.."

"You didn't tell him where I was did you?"

Tristram spoke then, "He figured it out Sire, it was as if he'd sensed it."

Arthur shook his head, " I might have guessed. How badly did he take it?"

" Ask Ewain," said Gareth dryly, " You should see the bruises on his wrists."

Tristram glared at him. Arthur sighed and walked over to Merlin. "Merlin,Merlin,Merlin,." He said with a sigh, there was such deep affection in the words it said more than volumes.

" Where is Ewain?"

"He gone for water, he should be back at any minute."

"How did he manage to calm Merlin down? Once that man has something in his head..he's almost as bad as I am."

Gwenivere looked away, " Ewain has a way with his patients."

Gareth snorted, " Yeah, he works real magic with them. OW!"

Gwenivere lifted her delicate heeled foot from Gareth's toe and continued. "Ewain knows many folk remedies that work when others fail."

Arthur narrowed his eyes, " I've warned him about using those, their too close to magic for my taste. But if it's helped Merlin then I've no quarrel with it."

At that moment Merlin stirred, Arthur drew closer to him. " Merlin?"

"Where am I? Have I gone blind?"

Arthur stifled a relieved chuckle and removed the cloth from Merlin's face. Merlin blinked over at him blearily. " Arthur.." there was unquestionable relief in his voice, then the ghost of a smile. " I thought I smelled you."

" Nothing's going to change your attitude is it Merlin?"

The two exchanged a smile. Then Merlin scanned the room and spoke. "Where is Ewain so I can skin him?"

" He saved your life, Merlin."

" Yes and stopped me from saving yours..though I suppose I should thank him for that as well."

Arthur's tone was proud, " Merlin, I'm a soldier as well as a king you know. I can take care of myself."

Merlin nodded, taking Arthur's hand. " I know. "

Arthur looked startled, but he nodded. " That's right. But, having you on my side is most welcome."

Merlin smiled, then he lay back for a moment. As he did so his sleep shirt opened at the collar, Gwenivere felt her heart enter her throat as she saw an amulet of sorts hanging there. Arthur grabbed hold of it, his face livid as he lifted it off Merlin's head.

"Is THIS the sort of medicine Ewain practice's? Gwen, did you know of this?"

Gwenivere shook her head, " No my lord, none of us did." It was only half a lie, she had no knowledge of the amulet, just the magic behind.

"Where is that boy?" Arthur made a stride toward the door just as Ewain opened it. " Sire.." he began, then his large eyes fell on the amulet in his hand and he bowed his head. Beside him the water bucket fell to the floor.

"Sire, if you would let me explain.."

" What is this?"

" It's a charm…"

Arthur's eyes grew livid, but his tone was even. " A charm…am I correct in assuming that means an enchantment as in magic?"

Ewain looked up at him, " It is not an enchantment sire…but it is magic. It is for protection."

Arthur's mouth was a thin line, if it had not been Ewain standing there Arthur would have been far less calm. " So you are telling me…that you practice magic…that you are indeed a..a.."

"Warlock, your majesty. That is what we call ourselves."

Arthur's tone was taut with emotion. "I see. You have been using magic on all your patients? Including me?"

Gwenivere took her husband's arm, " Arthur, now is not the time."

"Hush Gwen, Ewain answer me."

"No sire, I would never use magic on any member of your court..Merlin was, a special case."

Arthur nodded, " I see. A special case. Well tell me Ewain..who convinced you to work your magic on Merlin?"

" My lord, I never…I told you it was all for his protection."

Arthur was moving closer to him now, " Protection? From what?"

"Dark magic, those that might wish to hurt him."

Arthur grabbed Ewain's arm. " Stop LYING Ewain! ALL magic is dark..it all has consequences and you have exposed Merlin,yourself and this entire kingdom to these consequences. I'm not a fool, no good can come of magic!"

" Forgive me sire, I should not have gone against your wishes…but I'm not sorry."

Arthur grabbed him by the collar then and pinned him against the wall. "You ungreatful little fool. I let you join my court, little nameless thing that you were. Merlin took you under his wing, taught you everything he knows and this whole time you were lying?"

Ewain's eyes were surprisingly calm. "Fearless," thought Gwenivere, "What a knight he would have made." Ewain anger and hurt in his eyes spoke softly. " With all due respect sire. You gave me no other choice."

Arthur put him down and his anger waning he turned to lean on the windowsill collecting himself. Gwenivere moved to go to him, but she was interrupted.

"Arthur…" Merlin's voice was pleading, " Leave the boy alone. Please?"

Arthur turned to him, "Merlin…did you know of this?" Merlin went to open his mouth but Ewain spoke quickly.

"No, Merlin was no party to this. This was all my own doing."

"Ewain…" Merlin's voice was chastising, then he seemed to settle himself. " Arthur, he's just a boy…he's saved my life and many more besides it. Don't be hard on him."

" You're right Merlin," said Arthur turning to Ewain, " He did save your life. That's why I'm sparing his."

Merlin opened his mouth to protest, but Arthur held up his hand. " I'll be going now. Lancelot, Gareth, come with me. Gwen, my love go back to your chambers I don't want you alone with this druid."

Gwenivere's eyes flashed, " You idiot!"

"Gwen, please we'll talk later.."

"Oh you bet we will!"

As Arthur's eyes fell on his wife's livid face he bowed his head, " I'll send a guard to stay with you. Ewain," Ewain raised his patient, long suffering eyes to meet his king's. Arthur's voice was level. " This isn't over."

Ewain nodded, Merlin's voice was cold steel. " Are you sure you can trust such a dangerous man with my care Arthur?" Arthur furrowed his brow at Merlin. Then Merlin spoke again, " Arthur, you're like a brother to me. But sometimes you can be such an Arse. WE will talk later, I want whatever Gwen leaves of you."

Arthur looked first to Gwen, who scowled and then back to Merlin who didn't look much happier and finally to his knights who refused to make eye contact like they'd suddenly developed some brain disease.

"ALL RIGHT!" he threw up his hands, " If everyone's done plotting my death, can I meet with my knights now?"

Wordlessly Gareth, Lancelot and Arthur exited.

"Well, that was better than a jousting match." Said Merlin laying back and closing his eyes wearily, " Don't worry Ewain he won't touch you. Not if I have anything to say about it."

Ewain said nothing, he simply picked up the spilled water bucket and went to the door. As it closed behind him, Merlin lept as a glass beaker flew across the room and hit the door.

"Gwen?"

"Oh just rest, Merlin! I'll stay with you."

Merlin's voice was hesitant, " Perhaps, at the moment, that might not be a good idea."

"It's either that or I single handedly wipe out the pendragon blood line. I'll stay Merlin."

Merlin was meek, " Yes, my lady."

Silence reigned for a time. Then Gwen spoke.

"How can such a good man, be such an unimaginable bastard?"

Merlin laughed in spite of himself and cried out in pain. When he'd recovered he spoke gently.

"You've known Arthur longer then even I have, if you haven't guessed it I certainly haven't. I would say it either has to do with being royalty or being a Pendragon. Either way we can't change it."

Gwenivere pursed her lips, " I suppose I'll forgive him. He won't hurt Ewain, I know that. He's not like his father he shows his teeth more then he uses them."

"I know, that's why I'm not more upset. Poor Ewain."

"Did you know? When you took him in?"

Merlin gave a sideways smile, " The child levitated my purse right out of my pocket as I walked by him on the street. It wasn't hard to guess at his talents."

"Yet you brought him here?"

" What would have happened to him if I hadn't?"

Gwenivere was silent. Beside her, Merlin reached out and slipped his hand over her own in comfort. " Arthur is a good man and he will only get better. I'm sure of it."

"I hope you're right." Said Gwenivere with a sigh, " Because if he does many more things like this, I'm going to have to kill him!"

Merlin laughed then, that infectious boy's laugh of his. That coupled with the fact that it was punctuated by cursing and " Oh Ow!" every so often made Gwenivere join him in spite of herself.

Gwenivere would never know at what point Merlin stopped laughing or when she noticed his face was no longer peaceful, but she would always remember the swiftness of it. The ease with which evil invaded their happiness, it would haunt her for years to come.

Gwenivere was wiping the laughter tears from her eyes with her sleeve, when she heard a choking sound beside her. She turned toward it.

"Merlin? You haven't laughed yourself to death have you?"

Merlin's voice was half smothered rasp as he spoke her name, " Gwen.."

Gwenivere could see now that Merlin's face was contorted and turning a deep red as he fought for air. His hand clawed at his throat as though fighting to free his neck from some violent grasp.

Gwenivere cried out, leaping to her feet. "Merlin? Merlin! What is it? What's happening?"

Merlin could not speak, his lips had begun to turn blue and he still struggled with the phantom hand at his throat. Gwenivere pried his fingers loose despite his protests and to her horror she saw a livid bruise in the shape of a dark hand rising on Merlin's throat.

"EWAIN!"

At Gwenivere's cry Ewain came bursting through the door. The minute his eyes fell on Merlin he was in motion. He pushed Gwenivere out of the way gently and leaned over Merlin whose eyes were now closing as his struggling became weaker. As Gwenivere had done, he took Merlin's hands away and when he saw the hand print, there was no disguising his fear. But just as quickly his face went hard.

"My lady, listen to me. If you will not leave, which I wish you would listen carefully. Do not interrupt the spell once it's begun. No matter what you see or hear, do not interfere."

Gwenivere nodded, tears in her eyes. Ewain his eyes already seeming older than his face drew aside Merlin's hands and placed his own over the mark and closed his eyes.

His lips moved as he began to chant in a strong voice, then as though grappling with a foe Ewain stiffened and his face contorted as some unseen power raced through him. Beneath his hands Merlin had gone still, his face a deep crimson.

It was over in moments, there was a flash of light as a dark cloud lifted from Merlin and drifted out the window, then Ewain relaxed and Merlin drew a deep breath and began gasping deeply. Gwenivere lifted him up and propped him against the pillows. Ewain had retreated to the window, where he braced himself against the sill drawing deep breaths. Gwenivere turned back to Merlin whose eyes were fluttering open.

"Merlin? Can you hear me?"

Merlin's voice was a pained rasp, " Ewain…where is Ewain…"

Ewain came forward looking somber, he knelt beside Merlin his young face white and washed with sweat. " Merlin?"

"Come closer…"

Whack!

The blow to the back of Ewain's head was swift as a snake strike. For the first time Gwenivere heard the young man protest.

"Hey! That's gratitude for you! I just saved your life!"

"By risking your own! Never do that again!"

"No promises."

Merlin smiled but Ewain's smile was weak and Gwenivere could see his hand tremble as he lifted himself from the ground. She went to him as he crossed the room leaning on the fire place mantel his face on his arm.

"Ewain? Are you ill?"

"Merlin is out of danger now, you should go."

" That spell…"

Ewain turned to her, " Sometimes we have to break the rules…even if we know it might hurt us."

Gwenivere was confused by this comment but she didn't have time to question Ewain any further, for at that moment Arthur came through the door. Gwenivere ran to him and threw her arms around him, burying her face in his shirt. Arthur stroked her hair puzzled.

"Gwen, what's going on?"

Gwenivere related the tale and Arthur's face grew pale. Then quite suddenly he turned on Ewain.

"YOU!" he said, " What did you do to him?"

Ewain did not turn from where he leaned, his voice seemed oddly dull. " Sire…it wasn't me. I would never…you know that"

"I don't know what you would do anymore Ewain! I find out your using magic, then this happens!"

Merlin spoke up then, " Excuse me, but contrary to popular opinion, I'm alive and in possession of both my ears. If you'd let me speak for myself. Ewain saved my life…"

"Using magic no doubt…"

Ewain did glare at him then, " What else could I use against a spell?"

"How did you know it was a spell?"

Ewain looked away wearily, " I have not the heart nor the energy to justify myself to you anymore, my lord. I've done what I believed was right."

"Merlin is right," said Gwenivere, " Ewain did save his life I saw it."

Arthur's eyes were still hard. " How convenient for you, Ewain. How lucky for this to happen just when your secret has been discovered."

"ARTHUR!" Merlin's shout startled everyone, " Enough. The boys done no harm! Your accusing him of things he didn't do!"

"Merlin, I understand your feelings for Ewain but how do we know he DIDN'T do these things."

Ewain spoke from where he stood. " My lord, forgive me for having offended you. But on my word I have done no harm here."

Arthur turned away then, " All right, perhaps your right. But you will still be tried."

Ewain at the end of his rope struck out at Arthur, " Merlin's right..you are an arse."

Arthur froze and turned slowly. " Tell me you did not just dare to insult me. Ewain have you forgotten who I am?"

Ewain met Arthur's eyes. " No my lord…but you need to hear it…and I have nothing left to lose."

Arthur turned on his heel in indignation, but at that moment there was a crash as Ewain crumpled to the ground.

Gwenivere made a move forward, but Arthur to her surprise had beaten her there. Arthur was not a cruel man, but he had a temper and it often blinded him to reason. The truth was, Arthur had grown fond of Ewain and the hurt at his betrayal had not overwhelmed that fact.

As he knelt beside him, Arthur lifted Ewain so he was lying on his arm . "Ewain? Ewain what is it?"

Ewain opened his eyes with a moan, he was shivering now. " I won't be any trouble anymore, sire. You can be assured of that."

Arthur grasped Ewain's shoulder and spoke gently to him. " You were right Ewain, I am an arse. But I'm working of being less of one..please forgive me."

"I did before you asked. It's been an honor to have served in your court…"

" You'll still serve..Ewain I made a mistake."

" Don't I know it." Ewain smiled slightly, his voice trembled ," Good bye my lord."

"What?"

Merlin suddenly awoke from his shock at that moment and despite Gwenivere's attempts to keep him there he hobbled toward Ewain calling to him.

"Ewain!" Merlin slid to his knees beside Ewain, " Ewain, no. Look at me, you will not give in to this!"

Ewain's eyes were full of tears. " I'm sorry Merlin, I couldn't let you die. It was too important..you were too important."

"That spell was too strong for you! You knew that! Ewain, you little fool…"

Arthur spoke in frustration and panic, " Merlin, what is going on? What's the matter with him?"

Ewain spoke then his voice surprisingly calm, "I'm dying my lord."

" Hush," said Merlin, " Just hold on, we can get you through this..you're not the first Warlock to misjudge his powers."

Ewain was crying now, Arthur had stepped back in awe of what he was witnessing. " Wizard's second rule…" said Ewain, " Respect the balance.."

"Damn the balance! Ewain,you can't die your too young.."

" Don't do this Merlin, I don't want us to part like this. Say you forgive me.."

Merlin was weeping now, " Of course I forgive you, there's nothing to forgive."

"Don't blame yourself Merlin, this was my decision."

" Why Ewain? Why?"

Ewain smiled, his eyes looking deep into Merlin's. "It was my destiny."

Then all at once Ewain's eyes went empty and he was gone. Merlin sat like a statue holding the boy in his arms. Off to the side he could hear Gwenivere sobbing and Arthur comforting her. But above all that the loudest sound of all was the sound of his heart breaking.

The silence came suddenly, Ninianne looked up to see Merlin with a hand over his eyes struggling with tears. She went to him and put her arms around him.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I, child. It was such a waste, that boy could have been so many things."'

" It wasn't his destiny, you told me everything happens for a reason."

Merlin looked over at her. " You're right. I think now I can finally see the reason."

"How so?"

"I knew there was a reason Ewain sacrificed himself for me, I see now it was you."

Ninianne looked away shyly. " I hope I make it worth it."

Merlin put his arm around the girl.

" You already have."


	8. The storm arrives

It was Merlin's favorite time of the evening. The sun was just dipping below the tree tops bathing everything in shades of rose and Amethyst. The cave was lit in the glow of fire and candle light and a warmth that was never there before filled it. In the corner, Ninianne was sewing and the old tom cat was amusing himself by batting her bobbins of thread all over the cave. As she sewed Ninianne sang to herself, the child always sang. No matter the time or the chore she always sang, like one of the forrest song birds it was when she was silent danger was coming.

But danger was the last thing on Merlin's mind this night. It had been weeks since Ninianne arrived and there was no sign of her captor or his men. Merlin was beginning to let himself believe they were safe. That was his first mistake.

Just as Merlin had closed his eyes for a doze, suddenly Ninianne's song ended with a sharp little cry then silence. Merlin opened his eyes and turned to Ninianne who was staring at her finger questioningly. Merlin sighed with relief.

"Did you stick yourself again? Child, will you never learn to use a thimble?"

Ninianne's voice was strange. " I..I know..it was foolish of me." Her eyes were riveted to the blood dropping onto the white linen before her.

" Careful," said Merlin, " Ruin my shirt and I'll violate several wizard's rules here and now."

Ninianne did not laugh, nor did she give her usually saucy rebuke. Merlin sat up looking at her concern filling him.

"Ninianne? What's wrong child?"

She looked up at him for a moment and he saw her eyes glaze, then in the next instant her head fell to the side and she began to tremble.

Merlin hurried to his daughter, taking her in his arms as her vision took hold.

"Easy child, tell me what you see.."

Ninianne's voice was full of fear. " Men…men on horses, they're coming for me…I see a man in dark robes. I see HIM! Merlin..They're coming!"

Ninianne shrieked then like a snared rabbit and snapped out of her vision. Merlin caught her in his arms as she swooned. When she came to herself, her eyes were full of fear.

" I have to leave…now…" she went to rise, " It's me they want, they'll leave you alone if I'm not here."

Ninianne went to rise but she fell back into Merlin's waiting arms. He settled her down on a stone by the fire.

"You're not going anywhere, your vision's drained you. You wouldn't make two yards before you collapsed."

Ninianne tried to rise but it became apparent to her that Merlin was right. Her breathing became hard and her eyes wide, like a trapped animal.

"I can't stay here, Merlin, you don't know what they'll do if they find me here!"

Merlin was studying a large volume of some kind intently, "I do know. Have you forgotten my story already? I am guessing your Eland is no different than any other tyrant. Ah! Here!"

Merlin raised his head from the book with a mischievous smile. "We can't leave, so we'll have to bring the hiding spot to us."

"What do you mean?"

" What do you think I mean? I mean magic. " There!"

Merlin fixed his eyes on a blank rock wall at the back of the cave. With a wave of his hand and a word or two the rock seemed to melt away revealing a hollow space just big enough for a hiding space.

" It's called a glammer, we crawl in there and I pull the wall over us. Only it only looks like a wall, it's really only thin air."

"What if they see through it?"

Merlin glared at her, "Have you ever known one of my spells to fail?"

Ninianne nodded her consent. At that moment the sound of hoof beats filled the cave. Ninianne looked toward the cave entrance startled. Merlin motioned her to the cleft in the stone.

"Quickly, child! In here." Ninianne did so then Merlin spoke again, " Stay very still and don't make a sound, no matter what you may see or hear."

"Yes, yes, I know…now come on! Get in quickly."

Merlin looked at her sadly, "I'm so sorry my dear, but Wizard's tenth rule…never trust a wizard." He waved his hand and the barrier was sealed.

"Merlin! Merlin you idiot! You liar!"

Merlin turned his back with a sigh, "Just like old times, no one's called me an idiot in ages. It's strangely refreshing." Then he took up his black thorn staff and went to the entrance of the cave. "Not a sound Ninianne." He reminded her. She obeyed. Merlin stood on the threshhold of his cave in the dusky light and watched the men on horseback riding up the path towards him. "Here we go again." He thought, "May the Gods help me."

The lead rider rode his horse up to Merlin, peering down at him. " We're looking for a young woman, no more than a child really. Dark hair and eyes like she was looking right through you."

Merlin ducked further into his robe, " I am sorry, I wish I could help you gentlemen. But old hermits like me see very little of the world outside, much less young girls."

The guard dismounted with jingle of mail, " Is that a fact? Well someone told us they saw her heading right by here…one would think you'd notice something like that."

"Yes…" said Merlin, leaning on his staff, grateful for once for his aging looks. "Yes, you suppose I would. But, forgive an old man his bad memory. If I saw her, I don't remember it."

The other horse man dismounted moving next to the other man. " Oh I think we can jog his memory ..don't you ?"

Merlin decided to take a risk then. Feighning a cough he spoke two words into his hand, the amber flash of his eyes was lost in the shadows of the cloak. Immediately the two horses reared and ran off sending the gaurds after them.

"Oh dear," said Merlin, " Now what do you suppose would make that happen?"

One of the other gaurds grabbed Merlin by the arm, " Listen old man, we know the child's here. No one wants anyone to get hurt that don't have to be. Just hand her over and we'll be on our way."

" If you think she's here so certainly, come and look for yourself." He gestured to the door, " But don't touch the cat. He can be…testy." The Tom cat hissed at the gaurds from its post by the door. The two men dismounted, but suddenly a voice stopped them. "Wait…I will go." At the sound of the voice Merlin's skin shivered on his bones. It couldn't be. Then slowly it all fell into place for him. How could he have been so blind not to realize?

"My Lord Eland." One of the soldiers said, " It is too dangerous."

" Are you questioning my ability to defend myself lieutenant? Do you want me to show you how I can defend myself? Good, then let me pass. The man lowered his hood and Merlin felt the air leave his lungs. A pair of mismatched eyes met his own, the same eyes that filled his nightmares for so long. He clung to his staff to steady himself.

" Right this way sir." He said with a broad sweep of his hand. He followed the shadowy figure into his home. Through the glamor he could see Ninianne huddled silently. He winked at her.

" What a clever use for a cave…" came the smooth voice, " Very homey. Mind if I look around?" With that he took a step toward Merlin's books. Merlin took him by the arm. " Humor an old man, those books belonged to my late wife. No one touches them except me."

The man laughed, " Is that so? Was your wife a witch too?"

Merlin froze. " I know magic books when I see them, or have you forgotten…I'm a wizard too. Do you think I'm stupid, MERLIN?"

With that Eland snatched back the hood from Merlin's head and grabbed him by the collar. " I thought I'd killed you, until I looked into that miserable scrying glass and saw you there…with her." He spat on the floor, "As though I didn't know where she was going. Little toad, she's just like her mother."

"You don't know anything about Vivianne…you don't know anything about anything. What makes you a fool is you think you do."

Eland slammed Merlin up against the rough, stone wall. Merlin felt his bones give slightly. Not this again. He thought, not while there's breath in my body. He held up his hand and with a word a broom came careening across the room knocking into Eland forcing him to drop Merlin who leaped to his feet. Eland raised himself with a long suffering look.

"Why is it, every time we meet I'm forced to beat you, Merlin? I'm too tired for a wizard's duel, luckily. Just tell me where the girl is and I'll leave you in peace."

Merlin glared at him, gripping his staff. "That child is the only peace I've known for years and I'd rather die than let you have her again."

" You very nearly, did die the last time you said something like that to me, I seem to remember." Said Eland, " You would have died if that idiot Pendragon hadn't found you…where is Arthur, now Merlin?" Eland's grin was like a match to gun powder. Merlin swept his staff out and a deep cut raised on Eland's cheek. He reached up, wiping the blood off onto his gauntlet. "I'm going to ask you one more time, Merlin. Where is the girl?"

" Nowhere near where you can get at her."

"Very well then, I'll just have to look for her myself…"

Merlin bowed his head, then he started to laugh. " Oh you can look, but you won't find her here."

"What are you talking about? Where is she then?"

"She's gone…long gone…I saw you coming, so I told her to run this morning."

"You..did…what?!"

Merlin laughed, " How does it feel Eland? Who's been tricked this time?"

Eland didn't speak, he was shaking with rage. He turned on his heal and headed for the door. Over his shoulder he spoke one word, "Bellum." Merlin felt the air leave his lungs as he was hurled across the cave, his head colliding with the stone wall. He fell and was still. Outside Eland shouted to his troops and the sound of hoof beats fell away. In all the ruckus no one heard Ninianne crying in her alcove, still waiting for her father to give her the all clear.

Ninianne's terrified cries brought Merlin to his senses immediately. That is, brought his mind to its senses. As is true of most Wizards Merlin's mind was capable of operating when his body could not. That did not mean it was a pleasant experience.

In the darkness, behind his closed eyes Merlin could hear his daughter's terrified screams. He could imagine what sight would have met her eyes, her father lying lifeless on the floor after seeing him beaten by the man she feared the most in the world. Merlin longed to comfort her, but his traumatized body would have none of it he was forced to lie mute and listen.

"Merlin! Merlin, no! Please…I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Merlin. Please!"

Merlin couldn't stand it he summoned every last inch of his strength and forced his lips to move.

" Ninianne…Dear One…"

Ninianne's breath rushed out of her in a shuddering sigh. " Merlin..." he felt her lift him on her arm, " Merlin can you hear me?"

Having penetrated the veil, it was easier now. Merlin opened his eyes and found himself staring into Ninianne's face. Tears streaked the pale skin and he hated himself for having caused them, even if it was unintentional.

"Don't cry child, I'm all right…"

Ninianne touched his face, "All right? Merlin, I thought you were dead! Your head hit the stone …I heard your skull crack! How? Merlin how can you be all right?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, " Merlin went to sit up, Ninianne prevented him. " You're not as all right as you think you are..your head's bleeding."

Merlin reached up and touched the wound on his head, he regarded the crimson stain on his fingers ruefully. " So it is, that would explain the head ache."

" You still haven't explained how you're not dead right now.."

"I'm not done here yet, that's why. Please, child just leave it there for now…I'm an old man at the best of times questions perplex me."

Ninianne helped him over to the bed, where she forced him to sit. "As soon as you're well…I'm going to kill you! You scared me half to death you idiot! If you ever, EVER do something like that again You'll have more than a head ache!"

Ninianne was crying as she spoke, Merlin's voice was gentle. "I love you too."

Ninianne turned to him, " You don't understand! Do you have any idea what I was thinking? Merlin, you're all I have, in so many ways! If you ever left me..I.."

Merlin put a hand on her shoulder, " I'm sorry, my dear. But you're all I have too. One day you'll understand why I risked my life to save yours . In the mean time try not to hate me too much."

Ninianne was in his arms so fast she knocked the breath from him. Merlin patted her back awkwardly, his own eyes misty with tears. "Don't cry, little one." He said, " I'm not going anywhere, yet. But I cannot always be here. One day, you must learn to stand alone."

"But not today." Sobbed Ninianne.

"No, child." Said Merlin, his old eyes looking into the past. "Not today."

That night, Merlin did not sleep. He remained awake watching Ninianne as she tossed in her sleep. He dared not take his eyes off of her, even to rest lest some shadow come and steal her away. It was there in moon shadow and fire light he came to a frightening decision.

It didn't take a seers glass for Merlin to know he needed help. Not just any help either, magic help. Having passed so much of his power to Ninianne he could no longer protect her with his magic as he needed. But who could help him?

If Gaius had still been alive, perhaps he might have known or Vivianne or any of his vanished loved ones. But, those days were gone forever and he was alone in his magic, as alone as when he was a child and did not know his gifts. Alone. Or was he?

Fire light flashed suddenly against the wall as the fire flared and the wind howled against the stone like the sound of laughter. There was one left besides him. One, he would never dare ask for help if he hadn't been in desperate need if only because of what she had been….an enemy.

Nimue.

He was quite certain the sorceress still lived, she had once been as ageless as himself if not more so. Some even said she was a demi god of sorts if you believed that sort of thing. They called her by another name "Morrigan" it meant dark queen. Nimue had made a name for herself as well even more so then Merlin. She was like the very balance she watched over, none dared upset her.

Merlin shivered, then he looked down at Ninianne's sleeping face. " Very well, little one…for you I will do it." He said, " But that doesn't mean I will like it."


	9. The Blood Stone

Merlin knew he wouldn't have to look very hard to find Nimue. Nimue for all her independence was quite predictable, she came when she was needed or when she needed something and judging by the season ( so to speak) both would apply. Merlin's time was nearly up and Nimue, like a jackal would be prowling around waiting to snatch up his powers. It was her way, for as long as he could remember the icy hot little creature had been plaguing him. Until just before Ardyrred when she'd disappeared. But he always suspected she was never so far away as she seemed. Nimue was always watching.

He left Ninianne studying in the cave and took off in the direction of the lake of Avalon. He hadn't gotten very far when a fluttering mass of feather's nearly collided with him. He covered his face with his cloak and when the ruckus had settled he peered out to find an old fat crow laughing at him from a nearby branch.

"Go away, bird." Said Merlin, " I've no time for games."

The crow canted its satiny black head and regarded Merlin with one alert black eye. "Caw!" it said.

"Shoo!" said Merlin, " Go away! I'm not dead yet !" The crow flew and perched right on Merlin's cane.

"Mistress!" It croaked, pointing with its long, sharp beak. " Mistress!"

"Nimue?" asked Merlin, " Mistress!" Croaked the bird bobbing its large head and then flew off ahead several others joining it. The cat at Merlin's feet looked like it had seen the second coming of god.

" Well, cat. " said Merlin, " You don't see that every day…I suppose we had better follow them."

So off they went . The crows led them to a clearing where a low hut stood. A small garden stood behind it and off to the side a hooded figure stood leaning on a slender willow staff. As Merlin watched the crows alighted around it fawning and pecking at its robes. It stroked them crooning softly and they departed. Still it did not turn.

"What do you want, Merlin?"

The figures voice was weary, care worn, but unmistakable in its Power.

"Nimue?"

"Of course it's me you idiot! Who else did you send for? The Corbain never lie."

" Forgive me, it's been a long time. I did not know you'd…settled down."

Nimue gave a derisive snort. " We all need rest Merlin….some more than others."

Merlin glared, " If you're referring to my little incident I had a right."

"So do I! " Nimue turned then, her features still shadowed by the hood, but her piercing amber eyes glared forth undimmed. At Merlin's feet the cat hissed showing it's fangs. Nimue glared at it irritably and hissed back. The cat growled. " Some of us don't have that luxury…the balance has to be maintained, Always. I cannot run off and pout when things don't go my way."

" Careful, woman…"

"You be careful!" Nimue's eyes burned into Merlin's heart and he dropped his gaze, " Don't you ever forget who I am…ever! You may impress other's with your power but not me..in the end I own even you Merlin!"

Merlin looked down, " Forgive me, I see time hasn't changed you."

"Hasn't it?"

At this Nimue lowered her hood and Merlin gasped. Time had indeed changed Nimue, gray now streaked the auburn hair and fine lines of age now gathered on what was once flawless beauty. She had aged, not as much as he but the effect was still startling.

" I take it back…forgive me. But I thought…"

Nimue laughed, " You thought I was a godess? Immortal and infinitely unchangeable as the balance its self? No…I'm as mortal as you are Merlin, my suffering is just more prolonged."

Merlin was silent. " You're still beautiful, I'll give you that."

"What is it that you WANT Merlin?" Nimue said wearily resting on her staff. "Unless you've come to rub it in."

" I need your help Nimue."

It took several minutes for Nimue to recover from the laughing fit that shook her small frame at Merlin's utterance. When she had she spoke, " I beg your pardon? No! No! Don't say it again I'll split from laughing. YOU want MY help?"

"It is not for me, It's for another. Will you help me?"

Nimue gave a small, tight, smile emphasizing the fine lines around her mouth.

"Why should I help you? I've offered you a chance to join me, you've done nothing but double cross me from the moment we met."

" With all due respect, you didn't exactly play by the rules either."

"SILENCE!"

Merlin complied, Nimue spoke tensely. " Who is this other you speak of? The last time you asked for my help I seem to remember you weren't very happy with the outcome."

"That was different! I'm not asking you to sway the balance all I'm asking for is a little help!"

Nimue's eyes softened, " Whoever this other is, they must be very special to you for you to come to me."

" She is my life."

"She…" Nimue smiled coyly, " My, my, Merlin…starting a bit late aren't you?"

"She's my daughter, Ninianne. She's Vivianne's daughter…that's why I came to you. You do remember Vivianne don't you?"

Nimue suddenly looked very human. She placed a hand over her heart and bowed her head. " That would explain why I could not find the child..how long have you had her?"

" Only a short time, she came to me when she escaped her captors. But they still hunt her, I am failing Nimue. That is why I need your help."

Nimue looked at him, " You're asking for my power?"

"No…I'm done with powers…I'm asking …I'm asking for you to protect her."

Nimue looked at him, her face puzzled. " You would trust me to watch out for your daughter?"

" I know you and her mother were very close. Vivianne trusted you more than I ever could bring myself to. I trust her judgement."

Nimue bowed her head for a moment, then nodded. "Come inside." She said, " Leading him to the door behind her, " We've work to do."

As Merlin stepped into the sorceress's hut his nose was immediately assaulted by the smell of incense and herbs. He sneezed and covered his nose with his cape. Above the mantel piece an old crow looked up from preening his feathers and regarded them, then returned sleepily to work. Merlin sneezed again. " Glad to see the old religion is still alive and well…or should I say smell."

Nimue gave a small glare out of the corner of her eye. " It is the smell of magic Merlin, surely you know it. Or perhaps you've been away too long?"

" Perhaps we just perform different magic."

Nimue was silent, she crossed the room to a shelf across the room and lifted down a silver chalice. As she spoke she poured various potions into it.

"You do realize you'll have to give something in return?"

" This does not surprise me."

Nimue pressed her lips into a thin line. " You have no idea how trying it is, Merlin. To be constantly judged and ostracized for being what you are. For doing what must be done."

"Don't I?" said Merlin with a rye smile, " What is it you want?"

Nimue did not turn from the goblet, she spoke to its depths as though reciting an incantation. Her voice was deep and almost shy. Not at all her usual commanding tone.

"I want to see your daughter…I want to see Ninianne."

Merlin squinted at her, the cat at his leg did the same as though ready to spring. "Why?"

"Don't look at me that way, Merlin." Said Nimue, Merlin shivered. She had not even turned around. " You know I'd never harm the child. It's a small thing to ask, compared to some of our other bargains."

" But why? Why would you care about my daughter?"

" She is Vivianne's as well. need I say more?"

Merlin nodded knowingly, " Very well then."

Nimue rose to her full height, moving her hands over the goblet murmuring a spell. As she continued her chant, from the counter beside her she lifted a silver dagger and drew it across her palm.

Merlin instinctively moved forward as the red stream began to flow, but Nimue calmly held the bleeding member above the goblet her incantation had become a chant as she closed her eyes and fell deeper into the spell. Slowly a light began to glow from the goblet as it grew and spread Nimue's voice also grew in volume until it seemed to fill the entire hut. Then there was a brilliant flash of light and Nimue went silent. For a moment she stood frozen as the magic slowly drained from her. She shivered once, then fell to her knees.

Merlin without knowing why went and knelt beside her. But she recovered almost immeadiately.

"Don't plan the feast yet, Merlin." She said as she rose to her feet, " I'm not dead."

Nimue reached her thin fingers into the goblet and pulled out a stone roughly the size of an almond. It was smooth and polished and of a deep crimson color. It was the very same color in fact of Nimue's blood that had fallen moments before. Nimue held it out to him.

"Take this. It's a blood stone, I've given some of my energy to it, it can call me to it or those that follow me."

Nimue turned to the old crow and spoke to it in a strange language Merlin didn't understand. The old bird spread its broad wings and fluttered over to her, perching on her out stretched arm like a pet Gere Falcon. She stroked it's feathers speaking softly to it.

"The Corbain obey me in all things. If your daughter holds this stone, they will obey her as well. If danger threatens tell her to hold the stone in her hand and say these words: Corbus Patria Ami. The corbain will come to her aide where ever she is."

" And if they are not successful?"

Nimue looked away, " I shall be right behind them."

Merlin took the stone in his hand, it was warm and smooth and felt surprisingly good in his hand. He thought for a moment if this stone were a part of Nimue and it felt so warm and good, then how could Nimue be so evil at times? He did not think this long. Soon the stone grew hot in his hand and he hissed dropping it into his pocket. Nimue laughed.

" The stone is for your daughters comfort, not yours. Merlin, my dear, I never knew you cared."

Merlin frowned at her, " I always said there is good in everything."

" Even me?" she smiled, "Then you're an even bigger fool then I thought. Go now, leave me."

Merlin looked at his onetime enemy and was amazed at the change in her. " Oh how the mighty have fallen." He thought.

"Still there Merlin?" Nimue's voice was airy, " Are you waiting for me to die?"

" Of course not! Besides it was you that wanted me dead."

"Ah, yes my defining moment in your eyes. Honestly, make one mistake…"

"Several actually." Merlin gave a wan smile, " But who's counting?"

Nimue shook her head, " Didn't anyone ever teach you not to play with fire Merlin?"

"I've always learned slower than most." Nimue turned her back on him.

"Get out, you fool."

Merlin rose, but before he turned to go he spoke. "Thank you, Nimue. I will not forget my promise."

Nimue's voice was heavy, " Nor I mine, good bye Merlin."

Merlin left the hut and made his way home the rock burning a hole in his robe pocket the entire way. "You know, cat." Said Merlin to the Tom sauntering along beside him. " If I didn't know any better, I'd think she didn't like me."


End file.
